Oh my Tofu!

Sometimes I wish...

2008-12-26T00:32:00.003+08:00

I wish that i could stop caring for everything that wasn't worth it
I wish that at that moment, i had the sensibility to choose to walk away instead of staying on and giving people chances
I wish that i wouldn't let myself be disappointed time and time again
I wish that i didn't have to keep reminding myself to have a positive outlook like my friends do, and just carry it off naturally with a great big smile pasted on my lips

I wish that for once i can say
"Can i just forget it?"

And actually watch it happen.

I wish that my heart,
and my soul,
could just forget everything of this year
that was never worth remembering.

Including broken friendships
Including broken hearts,
Including, every mistake i've made
And every regret I have in my heart

I want to stand at the edge of the sea, and scream the hell out and watch every single tear i cried, every single pain i had, every single broken heart that i had to mend, every sad moment, every goodbye, every moment that i couldn't stand, all sink into the sea.

Because i know i don't want to live with them, or let them harbor and stay inside of me, it's the final year, with every new year, comes new happy and sad moments, i'm bringing the good ones along but leaving the sad ones behind.

It's all go, go, go, gone away!

2009 Resolutions

2008-12-24T22:35:00.001+08:00

I don't want to hold on to things, or to believe and hope in people who will just hurt me or vice versa.
I'm going to learn to walk away, once it's done, i'm not turning back. I'm not giving myself shame and letting myself be hurt, it was never worth it.
I'm going to make each and everyday last. I'm going to hold my tongue and guard my heart in everything, not giving in so easily anymore, not anymore.
I'm going to be strong and tough and stand up.
I'm going to be committed.
I'm going to make it
(and not by my own strength, but by God's strength)

I've had enough of giving myself reasons to fail, to make mistakes and to lack courage to walk away from what i should have. I don't want to be insecure and afraid of what's ahead, and i know for whatever troubles that i may be going through now, i will only see the reasons ahead as long as i keep going ahead.

If he wasn't worth it, so be it. Let that be the end and never the start. Don't give yourself excuses to pull back, or run back, give yourself the glory of pursuing for the true happiness that God has for you ahead.

Don't keep starting fires that you can't bear to put out, (because you know that in the new year your inner self will try to do that). Stay strong. Stay tough. Don't give excuses to be unhappy, don't give reasons to defend your failure, give yourself chances, and finish what you first started.

Set yourself goals and accomplish them. Don't let anyone influence you into anything else, don't let their words cut wounds into you, clean up those wounds and carry on. Face the music, and only the music, not the person whose singing it or the words who might affect you, but face the music and sing glory to One person and think of One person only.

Don't yearn, don't beg, don't be selfish, don't be afraid.

#1 Believe in God
#2 Believe in Yourself
#3 Believe that with God, you can do anything.

Personal Note

2008-12-21T23:35:00.000+08:00

For a minute
Just take a step back and look around.

Just be yourself, smile, give it your best shot, and let God tell and show you the rest in His due time. Don't be worried and don't get caught up in all that hollerjamma.

now go to sleep darling
in the morning God will say hello
xoxo
nicolette

a&g aftermath

2008-12-19T23:59:00.002+08:00

a short sweet update:
(before the proper post arrives)

it was simply too memorable and intensely captivating, every single moment of it is just etched, imprinted and remembered forever. the love that we both received and gave is more than enough to fill the red sea i think haha. the volunteers & everyone were so amazing! we just had such a wonderful wonderful time with them. especially the girls who were so supportive of everything we did, they were the sweetest sense of temptation! ha ha, at the end of the day we just all felt like going up and spending the night with them, having fun and talking.

ha ha, only a few girls from my cell came, oddly. as in, although it was an official event, it was weird but maybe cos it was my planning and their hesistancy to come at all, well but those who came were such sweeties and darlings hahaha.

E's dad sent me, michelle, and caiping home. the conversation in the car was midly amusing to the point where it was either irony, or just plain amusement.

Michelle: "ooh nicolette so your whole cell was at A&G right?"
Nicolette: "nah, ha ha um there's actually ALOT more but most of them couldn't make it for some reason... like 6-7 more?"
Michelle: "huh? i thought only got you... jamie... the other girl (meiqi)... yah those few only?"
Nicolette: "No no! Ha ha, um. We have like 13 girls altogether?"
E: "what?! you have so many. SINCE WHEN"
Nicolette: "E! it's just cos you don't really notice them. ok ok remember everytime in church, we'd gather together and um your cell with our girls? than there would be some other girls but you guys aren't really sure if they're in our cell but you would just make them laugh?"
Everett: "i don't remember..." (gives the blank stare)
Nicolette: "your hopeless. and you have STM. STM E. Short Term Memory"
Caiping: "so are you girls close to each other?"
Nicolette: "Yeah! We're like SUPER SUPER close ha ha. Cos we rarely see each other sometimes due to hectic schedules, but seriously when we get together, MAN. We always make sure we imprint a impact on the girls in our cell right before they leave hahaha"

It was such a long conversation but it was such irony. Ha ha, must get the girls in the cell to be more outreaching and go around telling everyone that we're from mirabel's cell so that our cell doesn't seem like some limited edition club.

this seems like a long update :/ oh well, the night seems to young to lose and it just seems like there should be so much more but there isn't, we spent months and days and hours working on this, we practically nearly saw each other every day for one month. but, right now, the lights need to turn off and the love is never ending, but gosh this moment is never forgotten.

It never stood still and it was never said to be permanant, so why does everyone else think that something did happen? when it never even existed or should have surfaced at all.

XOXO

Class 08180

2008-12-18T23:57:00.003+08:00

(me and E, stupid cutejerk can never ever take a proper photo with me, everytime he's like doing something stupid like hiding his face or something grrr)

we are like the brattiest bunch of church secondary "school students" (cos the whole entire crew acting is already in jc, or venturing out to private studies, or in universities already) ha ha, man. today's final rehearsal was truly insanely memorable and fun, we were docked out in school uniforms and making every single line sound 10 x b_tchier that it already was lol.

it feels so weird wearing a school uniform, much less a school pinafore and having to deal with the wretched wind and your whole pinafore trying to act like it was a hot air balloon, thanks man! ha ha but tammy was telling me the art of "swishing" the pinafore so that even if the wind is strong, your skirt will never go upskirt. it was complicated, but so memorable hahaha.

pictures than!

"I'll never ever forget this day. The sweet ruby red laughter, the crankiest tones we'd pull out, awww ha ha the perfect ending to a turbulent year. There's something so fascinating about actually being a public school girl and wearing uniform, and just living your daily life laughing and acting so silly and childish and still being loved and accepted. It's something so innocent that we can somehow, only find in school." It just feels nostalgic, ha ha! like a completely totally new experience.

(From Left to Right)
The Gangsters: Nelson and Chris. The Jock: Tammy, The "Scholar/Geek": Weng Yew, The Jock: Nicolette, The Scholar: Sher Minh, The Gangster: Michelle Lo

Shu Hua, Michelle & Me!

All the actresses in the skit.

Hahahaha, Michelle (Chow) took this photo of Tammy & Me. We look so, possy and full of air like any minute we'd go "ew" and "ohmygosh" at everything.

Some scholar looks as happy as a moon standing next to Tams.

Chanelled after Beverly Hills 90210 for randomness in the name. The whole bunch of us (excluding Kai), including the stage crew, the logistics, the art team, and the actors/actresses and directors shu hua and everett).

XOXO
Andrew and Grace tomorrow, God Bless, God love! God Yay!

P/S: please see

There is never once a dull day every time you're around c: aww, love love loads, many hugs and kisses.

Today Life was Adorable

2008-12-18T00:24:00.007+08:00

P/S: UPDATE 1:00AM

ugh just saw this group photo in facebook and remembered that moment in the party, that was so stupid and it's utterly absurd, it's a camera, it's not like it matters whose camera it is or who took the group photo right? but apparently, it did. thanks alot. -1 adorable day factor

(yeah, my emotion for chingay is too spasticzsz for words, but it's spiffy to be positive right? we have to always look on the bright side of stuff, la la)

i spent a sweet good afternoon walking around plaza singapura buying last minute christmas gifts and racking my brains trying to figure out "what would he/she want" i walked past yamaha, and saw lots of elektric guitars i remember E telling me he wanted a PRS and ONLY a prs (what a prissy lol jk), ugh but that was so out of budget. insanely out of budget.

manage to meet J & J (the other j) so sweet right! so happened they had class at dhoby area, so we walked up to jms? to buy some other misc. potluck gifts for church this sunday, by than i was broke, tired, and it was only 1:40 so i decided to roll home and spend some good quality time with toktober.

dad sent me to pa headquarters, yay. the area there was so expanding, with wide vibrant colors gushing through johnny's eyes, it was so captivating, the irony part was that it was next to a highway and that its such a pity that this space wasn't avaliable for photoshoots, it's taken for granted and used as space to rehearse and hold other people association events.

i managed to capture lots of beautiful, vibrant shots through the whole rehearsal, i hope it's not too artsy and won't be rejected (bunny fingers) i've been trying my best to be normal and avoid taking pictures for people and just take well, photographs of people rehearsing.

as usual, yirong was such a sweetie cos she was happily smiling into every shot with her colored braces. yan was being a dork and making the most unglam smiles ever, unknowingly as usual (he was wearing specs today, ha ha so that added to the dorky/cute factor?) oo0h but overall, everyone was sweet and so charming as usual. gotta love this bunch of people i work with.

12:00 midnight: i just finished kneading/banging/rubbing/massaging a huge batch of sugar cookie dough, gonna roll em into cute candy canes and bake them, giving them out at church this sunny. my hand feels like i've just played 40 of bethoven pieces nonstop. gee.

there's skit rehearsal tmr from 10:00-7:00pm, ugh but thankfully it ends early so i can go home and fall asleep while baking cookies. see you guys tomorrow!

lots of love

Myhope Random

2008-12-16T01:09:00.002+08:00

Happy Christmas in Advance c:

I think he was swallowing a macaron or something, but it seriously looked like he was choking or having a heart attack and melvin's face together with yan's expression makes this whole picture look so cute/comical, hahaha michelle took this photo. so memorable.

So how was the Myhope Party?

It was so memorable that we were CHOKING on the greatness of it all.

Lets All Make Faces

2008-12-15T01:28:00.004+08:00

Today was sweet, lets do this more often loves.

wait wait, lets try and make this sound correct: ok, lets finish it, lets end it, lets just not care, let's just, pull away and. end it. ok right, thats good.

Myhope Aftermath

2008-12-14T02:44:00.000+08:00

Today when i got back at 1:00AM, I sat down and cried for no reason. The hardest tears i've ever shed through this whole year, when i thought about all the emotions and events happened at the Christmas party, and how some of them got touched by God, i wondered why i wasn't.

How for the past few weeks in church, i couldn't absorb a single word that was being said. My mind was occupied with worries, fears, and troubles. When i mixed around with people, i laughed but it had no substance, i smiled but it held no grace. Sometimes i would busy my time doing things so that i wouldn't have to think about a certain situation or event.

It felt so lifeless, so empty. I've been having this emotion bug me. The fact that the emotion held history, held memories, and how now it's screwed up till the fact that to be polite to the person whom you just can't wait to hate is the hardest challenge to conquer.

But for reasons, God's been gracious. I made myself commit everything to God, even the smallest sense of emotion every time it came. It probably wasn't the easiest task, not to pray but to act on it. Pastor Ro was saying in Post E that "to be wise is acting on the knowledge that God gave you" (or something along those ways) It's the hardest thing to love. I asked God to tell me how could I love the same way Jesus did, how can i not just love, but love a person enough to overlook everything.

Maybe when i'm mature enough, I'll be able to handle this kind of situations better. For the moment, I want to apply the knowledge that I have for the fuller greatness of God's wisdom so that He'll guide me, He'll show me, and He'll tell me what I should do. I don't want to act on that simple impulse, to have the desire to use words, or use emotions to express how i feel. God should be the one pulling and tugging at my face to smile, to reply, and to speak words of kindness, love and peace.

Even though I really didn't participated much in the myhope party tonight. I was touched by God, He spoke to me, there's so much more to what He had showed me at the party, but that needs so much more processing. But for the final words:

"Myhope" and my New Year's Resolution is to:

Love in the same way Jesus did for me, blameless - righteous - sacrificial and never ending.

I wanna take charge and conquer the mountain!

xoxo

Music Survey

2008-12-13T00:46:00.002+08:00

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 10 friends.
5. Everyone tagged as to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Goodbye - Miley Cyrus
(Intensely cliche much?)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Miley Cyrus
(Yeah, i like to have too much fun in everything i do, ha ha yay!)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Whats Left of Me - Nick Lachey
(Sort of make sense in a way, I'd like a guy who didn't have any outer facade, just who he really is, what he's like)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
This Love - Maroon 5
(Too much love apparently)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
If You Can Afford Me - Katy Perry

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
See you Again - Miley Cyrus

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
No Reins - Rascal Flatts
(Awww that's so sweet!)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Every Day - Rascal Flatts

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Mannequin - Katy Perry
(That's sort of nostalgic, since i linked to this song to a friend who was very dear to me last time. It's random, but a sort of meaningful random no?)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Lights Out - Santogold
(Yes, no maths please, never ever ever)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Stickwitu - The Pussycat Dolls
(Aww, hahaha, yes, stickwitu forever!)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Jesus Take the Wheel - Carrie Underwood

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
God's Will - Martina Mcbride
(Exactly what I had in mind!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows
(lol hahaha that's just cute)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Hot n Cold - Katy Perry
(Too much katy perry in my playlist apparently....)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Leavin - Jesse Mccartney
(How apt! Although i'm leaving for Heaven, not for another guy like what the lyrics mean lol)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??
She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5
(My hobby is to always be loved?)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry
(Hahahaha, okay. My fear is kissing a girl)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Darcy's Letter - Pride and Prejudice Soundtrack
(Well i don't know a darcy, but i do know someone who wrote me a letter whose words have no meaning now. That's sort of a secret right?)

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
7 Things - Miley Cyrus
(Yeah, I sort of want 7 things hahahaha)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy - Tata Young
(That's just pure priceless people, PURELY PRICELESS)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Lonely - Akon

Although a few of them didn't make much sense, they brought up laughter and giggles between me and michelle in our msn conversation. Thanks much.

Definition of Christmas

2008-12-12T18:26:00.006+08:00

It is, illusive, captivating, and memorable,
It's bright, lighted, smiling all day in my head
It comes now and than, sharing it's day and history with me
Sometimes, the lights turn off and i wonder what's going on
It's so irritating and annoying sometimes, how it uses so much
gimmicks, and trying means and ways to disturb me
But sometimes when i stare at it.

I wonder why i still love it so much.

Christmas defines to me, the people in my life, the love that i've experienced and got to share with others, christmas is the definition of every special person in my life, telling me their life.... coming back only once in a while, expecting me to expect them.

- - -

Your result for What Spice Are You Test...

A Habanero Pepper

Wow! You are hot!! You certainly know how to bring on the heat!

You can be domineering and overwhelming at times. You definitely like having your way. You tend to have a bit of a temper, but you are very passionate about life, love, and your way of doing things. Not everyone can take you, but those who can have a spice in their life that will never leave them wanting. You don't mind being the life of the party. You speak your piece and you also speak with confidence. You tend to not let anything get in the way of what you want or where you are going.

You live hard and you love hard. You have the tenancy to be a true and good friend. Lord help those that stand in your way or tick you off!

You definitely have a strong and distinct personality.

Take What Spice Are You Test

Note: That's sort of true i guess, domineering and overwhelming... Domineering i don't really know. But overwhelming? Man. Yeah maybe, just a tad bit. There's the whole good and bad thing to it all, good that i'm sort of assertive, and bad that i'm naturally so bossy and domineering. Character development and change anyone?
Me Vote 1.

Beethovan - Moonlight Sonata

2008-12-11T00:40:00.001+08:00

Thank you for carrying my sweetest misery for a month, thank you for being the memory that i love to remember, for creating one of the most gentlest, and sweetest moments in my life.

Thank you for being the last memory that will be forgotten before the year ended, all your hearty laughter, your indignant declination followed by tickles, the warmest sense of hug that warmed me.

The last key in the piece that i play, although it was the out of tune key sound out of the whole piece, it gave the loudest, impactful, and hardest jerk that was ever felt in the history of 2008.

Thank you, you were so lovely.

What a great sense of nostalgia that overwhelmed my ears, eyes and feelings. Thanks B, you're still one rocking dead composer.

FYI

2008-12-09T03:35:00.004+08:00

5 Reasons Why We love our D Crew

Yeah, we have too much love that we like to share the secret around.

#1 HONESTY

We try to be honest in everything, cos that's the best policy right?

like for example if we're not wearing underwear, we do it like how everett did it above - wearing a t shirt and white pants and WALKING around with it.

#2 HAVING FUN

Even during rehearsals, important meetings and seriously MUST pay attention stuff, we know when to relax and have fun, we don't compromise on anything and we make sure everyone's a part of the "ohana" ("no one gets left behind") club.

It's also one of the rare times we get to act really ghetto, ah lian, bitchy gg-style, super pyscho'ed and dress up and get obsessed with the colors in people's room and their house furniture/decorations.

And still be regarded as "having fun". :D

#3 GETTING BACK TO BUSINESS

We also know whens the time to be really articulate, ~~pessimistic~~passionate, and serious on the roles and parts that we're playing in the whole project, we don't compromise on mistakes, and try to turn every mistake around, make it work, and than joke about it.

Sometimes we end up having too much fun, but we have great guys like Kai, Everett and just about everyone else who would chip in to scream "THATS ENOUGH!" and to remind us of the seriousness of it all. We take turns to be bossy, downright mean, and to be in charge of the roles that we're handling.

We give way to mistakes, and make way for improvement.

#4 LENDING A HAND

We're there for each other whenever we need help,
We pick each other up when we fall,
And when there's a need, we stand up for what we believe in.

# GOD
He's the main source of our "power supply".

He's the main chord to every key we play in this project, and the reason behind all happenings, we owe our understanding, our ideas, our love, and our ability to sustain through all matters to Him. He gives us strength, gives us hope, gives us a optimistic mindset in all.

He makes us the best TEAM that we currently are.

We don't easily argue, nor get into fights, or remember them much at all, cos we know that through God and with God, all problems, all difficulties, and all personal feuds, can be solved and will be solved by the power and love of His Grace, and by our Will in His hands.

Thank you G.

:D

God

2008-12-06T22:27:00.000+08:00

There is no greater satisfaction that I can find, than the one that is in You. :)

No clothes, No boys, No love that can measure up to Yours.

The inspiring quote that got me thinking:
"In solitude I find that being alone is to be with God."- Jason Mraz"

Rehearsals at E

2008-12-04T23:15:00.002+08:00

Clocked 5:45PM
AMK MRT
(Motorised Railroad Train?)

DINNER
About 7:00PM
E's Grandma cooks one very delicious omelet, and 3 veg & a fish. It was like for a second, going back to age 5 and sitting down eating such simple, comfort food that wasn't flooded with chicken stock, oil, or all sorts of uncomfortable sounding food dishes.

After that, we did stuff that included a bottle of vodka, slices of oranges, Kickapoo, warm water, and peals of unnecessary laughter.

Aftermath of the Tipsy Saga
(this is what we do behind the scenes when we're 17 & below)

Attempted rehearsals
70% Finish Production.

Michelle was insanely memorable.
Chris was, sleeping.

9:45PM
Clocked off

E sent us to the bus stop, sweet boy, C & S went home together while M & A got a ride from Mom, how envious man! Parents picked me up at the bus stop, so sweet.

It was dropping pellets of rain the whole time, but the picture felt so right.

Gossip, laughter, love,
XOXO

Ykylm

GG RANT

2008-12-04T00:07:00.000+08:00

Just cos he got into an "accident" doesn't mean that the person dies right?

I mean do they?

Ugh! No no no they can't end the episode like this and make me suffer till the end of Christmas, and into the brand new year of 09 without finding out whether or not Bart Bass died.

WHY WHY GOSSIP GIRL PRODUCERS
WHY THIS ENDING
WHY

On an extra note, rehearsal today was quite fun. The magicians were all such entertaining people, they came up with almost 30 ideas on what to do with a pole during break time. Ha ha yay! Tomorrow's there is the rehearsal for Andrew & Grace skit, E says he wants to watch the midnight show after rehearsals.

Ha ha i was checking out the seating/timings for Bolt, (on a off note, the trailer was so so cute! Bolt's like such a adorable widdle animated dog) and the cathay cinema has "couple" seats situated at the last three rows in the back and all along the sides too, like wow? That's so aptly placed, it's like the area where "no one" would look at you while watching the movie.

XOXO

Gmail Update

2008-12-03T18:34:00.002+08:00

Yeah, that really proves how frequently gmail's being accessed in my account.... so weird.

Love

02 DEC C084 XOXO

2008-12-03T01:33:00.003+08:00

Yeah, training was INTENSIVELY..
.
.
.
Fun, relaxed and, totally enjoyable

Yan was adorable, hahaha he was making the most unglam faces into Johnny, unknowingly for fun, and he was totally ignorant of the fact that every single photo of his most self depriciating expressions would be all posted up on the chingay blog, so silly right?! Ha ha, but he was a blast to talk to.

He lets everyone tease him and tickle him.

In total, rehearsal was sweet Ah, i missed everyone so so much.

Even though there was rain raging,
Buckets of sweat rolling everywhere,
There was insane laughter,
Silly gestures,
Helpless moments,
Stern lectures,
And sweet memories

Yay! :0) Happy happy happy. :D

THANK YOUUU

Oh yes, i'm sorry to all the people whom i flashed the bright, big obnoxious flash in-your-face, you know i still love you right?! it's just, well, your so photogenic and adorable, there was NO WAY johnny could miss SUCH a BEAUTIFUL face.

Especially the guy above, you were a darling.
Thank you for being so blur. :)

THANKS KAI.

Hahahaha, Charger's new friendster/facebook picture 2008?

PLUS!

Sweet tian Ping & Me.

She's so sweet, so nice, so fun to hang out with
And she was rockin' this indian accent today ha ha
"can you stop sounding so indian!"

Thank you God,
For this wonderful blessed day,
for the most amazing bunch of people,
thank you for giving them a smile,
and memories to remember all these by.

xoxo

Happy X0X0

2008-12-02T16:01:00.002+08:00

Ok ok! A quickie update before i rush off for chingay. lately, chingay's been sucking up so much of my life but it was partially cos i wasn't used to committing to things in the first place so it became like a chore or some do and get it over with need in my mind, which isn't the best mindset to carry around' ha ha, its also been dragging in bad light cos i'd always be screaming my head off with kai on the phone/at church before chingay rehearsals, or just about anywhere whenever i start to feel like i wasn't free to have fun.

It's been turmoil and hectic these past few months, & honestly when i realised that christmas was coming and the year was ending, i felt at a loss. i really didn't do my best in friendships or relationships, or even gave my best at helping others and volunteering for things and the reason why things are so messed up in my head sometimes it just cos i'm a horrible organiser/planner of my own life! but thank God that He's always there for a pickmeup whenever i needed it, and He never left my side even though sometimes i willingly choose to spend time with other people rather than him.

I've ALOT to be thankful for this year,

My best best insanely amazing cell sisters
My great NS boys/la salle boys (gooooo chin & D! hugs)
My ever patient MOM (she had to bear with all my sarcastic tempers and whiny fits everytime i came back late... tired... overexerted... stressed out)
My smartass dad! He always knows what to say to get me to relax, and explain things and do things out slowwwwly.......

Without these people in my life, i really have no no no! idea how i would have made it through, including good pals like everett, michelle, jamie, kai, and mirabel! Ha ha :)

There's been new editions
Old afflictions
Unfamiliar additions
Messed up confessions
Sometimes too much renditions
And at times, whenever it concerns boys/love/relationships
There's NOT enough AUDITIONS

But without these people, I would not be who i am today! - Made perfect in God's eyes. I'm not the best that i can honestly be... i still have soooo much to sharpen up on, but i'm really glad that i got through this year alive and still in Christ! I haven't chosen to turn back from God, and every time i'm near a slip away from Him.

He stretches out his warm soft scarred hands, tugs me and goes "My dear Daughter, I have never ever left you and i will always be there for you, through thick and thin... no matter what!" :D Yeah my heavenly Father is SUCH a darling.

Hahahha altogether i'm a really happy girl! Blessed, with such great fortune of a wonderful array of close tightwad knit sisters, and with a loving & caring family that never fails to be there for me! Who brings me to the docters on sundays, and lets me sleep 6 hour naps, so many people who sacrifice so much for me, i really don't deserve all of this!

You can tug my heart
And take it out
And pull me away from all my friends & fam
But one thing you can never touch
Is the spirit in me, which has & always will belong to Jesus Christ

He dictates WHO i am, WHERE i will be, and WHAT happens to me. No matter what, i'm not giving up so easily, i count my blessings each and every day!

My flesh may be weak, but my spirit is strong :]

HUGS & LOVE

Expired Warranty

2008-12-02T02:19:00.004+08:00

lol :/

Silly HK-Drama/GG boy.

- - -

I keep on thinking that he's going to come back, and try to make it work out between us. That it wouldn't be left at such a sorry state like this, what with all the awkwardness and weirdness whenever we have to meet in church/combined cell.

That perhaps this christmas season, something would change for the better right before the year ended, that we could have actually tried to give it a shot.

Chin was right, i expected too much and we went too far in the way we handled things. And when a guy's in army, it's really too crazy/hard to even handle someone else who likes you. Ugh, and besides, he already had feelings for someone else.

Could this christmas be any more complicated?

xoxo

xoxo

Saturday Morning

2008-11-29T03:34:00.002+08:00

Saturday mornings are like the sweetest breakfast dish to swallow out of all the days in the buffet table, they're so delicate crisp smooth smelling and they hold such great anticipation. for some reason they'll never fail to not fail, they always have something sneaky on hand whether be it some random art movie on tele or some lunchdate with a good friend it's always so magical and holds envelopes of surprises in stored in it.

The girls & i decided to go swimming to morrow noon at dee's place, we wanted to go to www at first (actually just me) but some of us don't really like sharing pools with noisy 5 year old's especially since it's holiday season & all. It's gonna be so so fun! the last time i went swimming, it was at

Hmm, YMCA tampines? with keith & kai but that was quite long ago about two months back, and things change, cradles switched and our reverence than has reached a whole new level of, 'understanding' so to speak it's quite humorous actually.

j finished her exams
ming's in south Africa
michelle's going to bangkok soon
minh's down with a fever & dizzyness :0(

In anycase, cell today was surprisingly gentle & quiet. we're usually quite a noisy bunch of girls, but today with the combined cells of anthony's & barney's we were like meek mouse who apparently lost their voices during worship time, (we could not even sing the note properly in the hymn). I couldn't really remember what happened during the whole time, my mind was floating somewhere else and the only thing that registered was "i can't wait till this is over, at the same time... its much better if it stays this way"

We had to share our personal testimonies today so it was a very, different atmosphere? but it's so great, though once i look back and realise how much we've grown that we ask about each other everytime we meet, we're so tightwad close and loving each other so much. It's so great to have a bunch of sisters/good friends that you can find and fall back on, & that no matter what happens when you go to cell, we can just giggle and laugh it all out.

Today felt FULFILLING! How do you explain that? It's like, well you would know if you were at combined cell today, for a change, it feels happy to be able to look into a pair of eyes and go "i know you, and things went wrong with us but there's only 30 days or less in this year, do you want to end the year remembering how bad we left the friendship of just cos of something that didn't work out?"

XOXO

A Penny for This Thought

2008-11-27T00:17:00.001+08:00

I just want to know someone that wouldn't end up walking away because he's too afraid to figure out what he's really like when he's with someone.

If you find that person, could you tell him that i've been waiting?

- - -

Confusion
is understood in three parts

It is nothing more than a thread of too many thoughts (sometimes' others)
It is something that leads to many other illnesses
When cured of it, you are still often confused of how you got cured
Which than asks, are you cured?

And in many situations
it seems
Confusion is best cured when dosed with
some wisdom, clear eyesight, and preferably
a big breath of air and alot of peace and relaxation

XO
N.D.C (It means something)

OH DEAR I MISSED ________

DC Behind-The-Scenes

2008-11-26T01:30:00.003+08:00

With friends like this, who needs anyone else?

Procastination

2008-11-25T15:21:00.002+08:00

"I am so close to eating and and mutilating your very existence on my desktop."

You better thank toktober's wonderful processor and ability to even process the image before you could even give me a green light to tell me that it was saved, you photoshop program.

I want to go the science center
And laugh at how small the dinosaur exhibit is
And look at how old i'm gonna look in 50 years time
And talk about anything under the sky

You promised.

TAKEN

2008-11-24T22:43:00.001+08:00

Hello my bed
You've been so close to me
All this while i've felt your touch
As you lent your comfort tward' to me

It seems like years since i left
the sweet small comfort of this space
and you've captivated me enough
to get me stoned

There's a irony in my heart that's begging me to see reason, i think after all the drugs/meds i had to take to pull down my flu - i'm starting to get stoned and unaware of the factual reality that is faced before me.

Sometimes i fail to see reason, than i run forward so fast eagerly wondering whats anticipating infront but than i forget to seek or ask, or understand God & his perfect will, i'm sorry daddy :/

Give me the senses to awaken me from my slumber
Give me the wisdom to pull away from foolishness
Give me the alarm ring so that i may carry my dream to the trashcan
Give me the memory to remember how it'd always end up

This time, give me the strength to pull back & not back

Taken, bright five letter(s)
Stunning into the sun

I'm taken by 3 letters, that equals eternal happiness & love.

At the edge of my bed, i cling on to love, wondering if it's real, unseen, or is there more to it? Should i take a risk, shall i jump forward and seek it's endless pursuing,

Or shall i stand here, ignoring it's heart pondering on my door?

I think,

This time i shall ignore it, unless it comes, i'm not taking that first step.

I'll stand this time.

Back in SG/Commitee Meeting

2008-11-21T16:42:00.002+08:00

Finally! Ok i actually came back in SG at 10:00pm on Wednesday but totally conked out for the whole of next day till evening time, ha ha, met the boys, minh and michelle at cityhall in the evening for the play we're doing during christmas time for andrew and grace, everything was pretty fun

We ate at just noodles at suntec, & we did and talked nothing but football, nail polish color, hair extensions, prom night, and a whole lotta dirty jokes courtesy of jack jack. terribly fun people. anyway after that we went to mac's to productively enlighten and spark some brain juice

The probability of us shopping for gossip girl style clothing and american gangster style are 100%'

[Did you know that December 25th aka Christmas was actually regarded as a Pagan holiday in the early days? because of the similarity it had to festivals that the pagan people were celebrating, but the conclusion of it all was summarized by a theologian in 320 "We hold this day holy, not like the pagans because of the birth of the sun, but because of him who made it."]

Its all so fascinating, it gets even cooler when it touches on the topic of the history of carols like the "12 days of Christmas" song and "Hark the Herald Angels Sing"

ARGH. Christmas is so, INDUCED WITH LOVE.

Some people say that Christians are weird and crazy people, i think that no matter how crazy or weird non believers are in their science fiction ideology we still love who they are and what they do, and we accept em - nuff said. did you notice jack jack in the picture above smiling creepily into the camera?!

Msn Conversation
"Why do you settle less for God's perfection for you?"
"dun ask weird questions like that"

Jack jack! His hair is like the coolest in thing since Nick V came to church last week.
(the name jack jack refers to one of the characters in The Incredible's, and Weng yew's hair uncannily resembles the same hairstyle and face shape)

Tzup! Ha ha the reason of why his nick name is Tzup is cos of a joke this comedian made of his name Anthony... such cool but geeky facts. Wow. (stares into blank space)

(In reference to a coke + mentos experiment incident)
"WHY so you SO chicken?!?!?! put 5 la!!!!"

Ha ha, Michelle and her dad's gold bling watch.

Sherminh had awesome makeup on that evening, so gorgeous! Ha ha and can you BELIEVE she DID those nails herself?! (manicure) That girl is so bloody awesome.

Oh yeah, bangkok was PDA material, I got hair extensions and the FIRST thing E said to me was
"Your hair looks so ugly"

Patronising, i know. Thats the first comment you would love to hear from your good friend after a three day trip like 2000 miles away from him? ACJC man. ACJC is like the root of all truthful, sarcastic and real understanding of the human mouth.

Anyway, gtg for cell.

Ttyl XOXO

Sweet like Icream

2008-11-17T01:48:00.003+08:00

Today felt like the sweetest taste of perfection ever, in ice cream terms it felt like it was the most fudgiest chocolate icecream i had ever tasted. Everything was SO SO awesome, it was just so much laughter, smiles and understanding altogether.

The sermon that Pastor was preaching today was really lovely, it really set a impact in me. It made me wanna strive for excellence and not just give my best for exams, for all those generic things but i wanted to give my best in friendships, relationships, in love, forgiveness, and the way everything is suppose to happen - i want to give my best perfection of excellence.

& Chingay rehearsal felt so familiar, like no matter how tired we are from having to excercise, repeat and re-do the same moves, it just felt so warm because, you know that deep inside, you really wanna give your best, and it's just when everyone's supporting ya, it feels like ohana, and that no matter what - no one ever gets left behind.

Today was SO inspiring, SO INTENSELY MEMORABLE.

Best, BEST BEST SUNDAY I'VE EVER HAD.

Even the worship was so priceless, it was just so awesome.

No matter what happens, all the crap, all the wrong doings, all the failed friendships and relationships, and all the crappy moments where it felt like it was the end of the world for me - I know, that in heaven and earth, nothing changed.

It was still the same God, the same Earth, and the same Life that God gave me.

Secret Rant

2008-11-14T19:34:00.002+08:00

i need to
1 DROP THEM

WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT THESE TWO

1 Because they're really adorable & wonderful
2 One of them is sincerely funny, humorous & adorable, and very gullible
3 The other one is charming, fun, and enjoyable to be around
4 Yet in the end, the friendship(s) didn't last

& they make such good friends.
its a lil confusing, but i'm getting to the conclusion in the plot entirely

OK, ~~this~~ these thoughts are going out of the window.

BB.

Scented Expressions

2008-11-12T03:07:00.003+08:00

it doesn't matter anymore, right now. till this moment, it doesn't really matter. there's obviously no turning back & trying to take back, change, and remove all the memories which can't be retaped again.

those scented papers
that handmade crisp brown paper
the smiles that were taken
the dinner(s) that ran everywhere
all the places
all the, times
all, the, nights
all, those, goodbyes

one of my guy friends told me that the reason that boys don't really express or tell people how they feel, especially if they're angry, sad, is cos they want to think the best of you, not the worst

i thought that it was so admirable

i clearly suck at that don't i? write my feelings/heart on my sleeve

love, xoxo

recently, i do nothing but take photos in events for people. it feels like i'm capturing a moment of their life that they will probably forget 2 weeks later than open the photograph & go "oh. yeah. we were so happy than, now we're just too busy to care" how ironic.

Random

2008-11-10T23:00:00.003+08:00

For some reason, i just felt like blogging. Yeah. Lately there's been nothing much going on, spent most of my hours cuddling up to the weather with a soft warm blanket covered over my face & hearing occasionally the siren scream of ruddy bullying one of those neighbor kids upstairs again

Mannequin suddenly came on in my play list, and the lyrics sink hard & deep into the puddles of tom yam noodle soup? it feels like a craving - just listening to the song alone brings such sweet happiness, katy perry is so awesome. This evening, i had dinner with jack jack, han & K it was fun throughout the whole conversations they dabbled and attempted to infuriate me while spending 1 1/2 hours talking about nothing but world of warcraft

This is starting to feel so regular & common'

Love

Best Sunday Ever

2008-11-10T16:08:00.002+08:00

Haha, so much love people.

We had our usual meeting on sunday at 10:00am and we all ate like pigs, it was like the best sunday ever cos it felt so normal for a second, just like how we used to hang and do nothing but laugh till our faces turned bright red.

Thank you S boys.

Today's Deepest Impression

2008-11-10T00:07:00.001+08:00

"It is easy to say yes to something you unknowingly committed to, but it is harder I realise
to say no and let go of something you unknowingly held on to - Love feels like that right now."

After the committee meeting this morning, after nick V, after processing, after going out to dinner, after meeting anthony's cell by coincidence, the final conclusion seeped into the deepest edge of my heart and clung on to its reins riding it's pain and sorrow out to the windows, never to be seen again.

Eh, Vegan for a week.

R.I.P Oreo Cheesecake

2008-11-08T13:49:00.000+08:00

30 MINUTES buying ingredients
10 MINUTES organising the ingredients
10 MINUTES melting butter (no microwave) and crushing oreo cookies
REPEAT X 1
10 MINUTES waiting for cream cheese to melt
15 MINUTES whipping and blending & mixing the cheese mixture
45 MINUTES baking the cheesecake
3 MINUTES getting burnt by the oven

5 MINUTES staring at a R.I.P Cheesecake
OH GOD.

Dear Daddy!

Please take those angry words out of my mouth, and remind me of your great Providence. Teach me to love, and to think in the way that you would right now, help me to understand the way You'd handle this situation, i leave it all up in your loving hands, Father.

I'm sorry for putting all the blame on the food itself, even though you provided me with the financial means to buy those items, I'm sorry that i took that for granted and felt guilty instead of the "amount" of money wasted rather than giving Thanks for the providence and means of which you've blessed me in.

Ty indeed for providing me with SO MUCH things, and for helping me thru all my problems! Your indeed the coolest, most amazing, and saviour of my soul.

Give me a solution to this problem Father! Open my ears.

Huggies :D
XOXO

Love
Nicolette

Its time for a Change

2008-11-07T14:25:00.000+08:00

Ok THATS it.
Thats the last straw
I'm not listening to anymore crappy nonsense.
How many more excuses can be made up man?!

That's JUST the end of the line, NO MORE.
NAH UH MAN.

I'm SO SO SICK of this, it's NOTHING but excuses and lies, and saying "next time it'll be different" it's gonna change, that the NEXT time it won't happen again - but it does. It all just become a evolution of a disastrous cycle in life man, what have we become?!

Yeah right.

This time, i don't freaking care how hard it's gonna be. Even if it's gonna take me TWO months just to get it over and done with, even if it means meeting after meeting and hour(s) spent just trying to fix up this mess, i'm doing it.

For a second it seems like i'm actually HAPPY to be in this kind of crap, like "i still want to remember! and hold on to these memories... those receipts... those, dates we had!" Seriously man. NOT WORTH IT. In the end, it'll just collect a junkload of dust, and eventually just be DUMPED in the trash which was originally, where it actually belonged - in the world's waste system.

This time, I am SO gonna CLEAN UP MY ROOM once and for ALL. MAN. literally man, i still have my storybooks since i was in preschool?! i STILL have boxes of barbie dolls,

Oh God.

I'm just sickenly sentimental, it's like i keep EVERYTHING that people give me. Even the receipts?! I have a collection of receipts! This is madness, you know the tv show where these two middle-aged ladies will go into people houses and ransack them and clean the houses spotless clean? Yeah i need one of those for my rooms.

Ok, not that bad as that. It's just cluttered, dusty and full of unnessecary letters, notes, and boxes, envelopes, notebooks, misc items. Its like a repetition = living death. My dog is living in DUST everytime he enters my room, it's just dust everywhere!

What the hell is my room secretly man... A dust apartment for all those dust creatures that live inside those grey/unknown blobs/specks of DUST?!

It's time for a change!

Obama won the US Election.

My room needs to win the Room Election.

Man.

Maybe i should do this in my life too, you know clean up all those junk/uncluttered memories that don't deserve to be there? it's just wasting brain space and i probably don't have ALOT of space in the first place.

(shakes head)

Bye than, off to Operation MANUAL Clean.

xoxo

I went to Bangkok!

2008-11-06T17:45:00.000+08:00

And i forgot to blog about it.... until now. Yeah, so you get a chuck load of photos which are induced and botoxed with lights, colors and history of bangkok - so intensely amazing. The food, the people, culture are rapidly changing, & its a pity that the people who go there, mostly go there just to buy clothes, and don't even glance much at what's around them.

Recently, everytime my fingers reach for the keyboard to blog all i can think about blogging is how _______ depressed i am, how i'm in so much crap and how everytime i wake up, i just want to sleep again and never wake up. But every time i wake up, i thank God for getting me through just another day, because He is holy & faithful, saviour & friend. He makes me smile when i can't, and throws away every hurt when i can't take them in anymore, He's the memory snatcher, the one who controls every single action & second of my life.

Le photos, enjoy'

The most amazing, fresh sushi ever tasted! & it was from room service, is that amazing or what? even the presentation was beyond room service standards, and it was really cheap (180BHT?) ugh, now i miss those california rolls... and salmon.

Pretty lights the shop was selling, they had all sorts of "lighted" lightings, it'll be such an awesome setting for a romantic dinner.

Haha, i wonder how you sew with it? it just spells CUTE.

Thats my sister, pretty flattering pose, note the intense eyelash extension btw.

Chinatown, Bangkok! SO SO INTENSE. They sold the MOST AMAZING STUFF EVER, i'm a lacto ovo veg but seriously, they sell the most unknown food there - is that fascinating or what?!

My family stopped here to eat the "sharkfin soup" thing (it was famous) I didn't eat (it's, meat) but it was very cheap, 300 BHT for a small, and 500BHT for a large? yeah, my family ate 4 large bowls of sharkfin, oh man.

If we ever go outside the asian counterparts, we're never visiting any area that has sharks there... we'll probably end up as "HUMAN FIN - $1 FOR A LARGE BOWL"

On one of those super fast tuk-tuk rides, it gets even more amazing when it rains heavily, they race in the style of death-race, but more danger, and if you fly out of the tuk-tuk i don't think they'd notice.

This random food seller selling fried omelette rice, with side ingredients, on a side note, the grey eggtray is like antique vintage man, there was a queue of people at her foodstall, bet it must be awesome.

Icecream man! In some random lane. His bread was swirly colored stuff, it was cute. He added more icecream scoops in a piece of bread than i ever saw in a tub of ben & jerry's. (ok... maybe not that, much. maybe?)

Breakfast Buffet, Ha ha! The above platter was some kind of grilled fish (saba perhaps?) It was a little dry, but crispy, yum. Salmon orig.. something. And, steamed egg cubes! Mmm, the best thing on the platter, second was the soy sauce.

Dad's noodles, according to him, it was "very very good, you should get some!"

This was some japanese delicacy? I saw some older japanese women scooping some rice, and than taking a small cold bowl of half-boiled egg and pouring it on the rice, yeah i did the same thing too.

For like 1 minute, i felt like sort of japanese? Than i passed the bowl to my dad because i couldn't appreciate the taste, it just, felt a little weird eating a cold half-boiled egg.

Ha ha, jamie would freak if she saw this. It was a cat from one of those "temples" than the tuk-tuk driver brought us to, we went there to take photos, of the history of the place, and saw this beautiful tabby, she was so clean and adorable!

At the temple, your allowed to buy various sort of animals than bring up to the altar to offer as a gift to the God. They had chickens, fishes, and other sort of slippery snakey-looking creatures, i asked the driver what they did with it, he said after they offered it, they let it go? They even had birds, yeah, they usually set the bird(s) free.

This was one of those, snake type fishes. It gives me the shivers, shiver.

A sign at the railroad in bangkok, anyone knows what it means?

My sister and her engraved photo of her & her passeportout. (on a sidenote: He looks like ruddy)

P/S: As a lacto-ovo veg, wherever i go, i try to be "open" to the food offered to me by other people, or the food in other countries, so at times when it's called for, i'll be okay to eat some fish, and occasional meat so as to not be rude to the host(s) or whatever, it's tough!

I should really start getting serious in being a lacto-ovo veg. I'm being too nice to people, and to my stomach.

Memory Rehearsals

2008-11-02T23:21:00.000+08:00

I just finished taking the photography shots for the chingay rehearsal, yeah so, I was watching them repeat and do over the same moves over and over again, and it twirled and spinned in my memory box. It dawned upon something.

You know sometimes, we remember the most memorablest moments we had with people, like the funniest happiest time we spent with that one person? And how even after in the end it doesn't work out, your head just keeps spinning the thread and replaying those feelings and affairs, it feels like i'm doing a rehearsal in my brain with those events.

As in I've honestly went through the whole act that i can memorize what happened, and how its suppose to end and now it's over, but i just keep standing here doing the same moves again, its like repetition in a living death.

And how probably the BEST remedy is just to, not be in close contact with the routine or the memory at all? Even if it means avoiding and, deleting the fact that you've ever knew the person, hoping that while doing that, the other person will be able to heal according without you there being a blockage.

I feel like i'm perfectly fine, honestly. Everytime there's other people around, I feel like "it's gonna be okay, who cares if he lives?" than once I'm on my way home, with a SECOND to spare and think about something, all the misery, all the suffocation, and all the impatient pain starts running through my veins. It just feels, like crap, honestly'.

I hope this heartache runs away fast, it sucks having bloody insomnia and lying in bed for THREE HOURS not being able to sleep EVERY NIGHT.

Photoart/Processing

2008-11-02T01:49:00.000+08:00

Reflections this week

1. I should stop having crushes on people.

2. Is there any place where you can download music legally & pay for it?! It's so frustrating, Amazon & Itunes only cater for the US residents and MP3.com takes v long to load on my side, any suggestions?

3. Spent Halloween with the Cell, it was intensely good this week.

4. I decided instead of "dieting" that I should excercise healthily and eat more regular and take charge of my lifestyle, so that means 1-3-5 = Run days, 2-4 = rest days, 6-7 = optional days.

5. I'm so extroverted i realised, i like talking, communicating, and openly expressing my feelings & all about things, i enjoy keeping things private to myself, but at the same time i love being a community of "open sourced communication" I used to be a high S & C last time like a few years back, it's so, well, weird knowing that we change along the years!

6. Friday: Woke up at 4:30AM decided that it was a brilliant time to go running (seriously!). Was insanely hyperactive, having cold sweat & through the whole day, having a dizzy focuse on everything. The Flu had me bad man, i was so out of sync yet so, "perky".

(crosses finger) Hope everett's skit goes out well with the rest, he's so talented! Ugh, God, Sunday is all in your hands :0)

XOXO
lotsa love

Bye Bye

2008-10-29T23:39:00.000+08:00

Lips pale like paper
Eyes red like paint
Cheeks pink like roses
Body, warm like heat

I wear my heart, feelings, emotions, reactions, actions on my sleeve, raw actions leaving nothing but stains. There isn't really anything I can't not say, or not do cos everything's too real and clear in my soul, sometimes i get irritated because everyone seems clammed up, and other times people get annoyed because i explain too much in my life.

You made me happy
You were always full of jokes
Your playful nature, your cheeky smile :D
You found a way to make me smile all the time

You brightened up my dull & unentertaning life, and shaded it with the colors of your
good natured spirit, I'll always remember all the stuff you said - If i can. Afterall, your the sentimental one, that remembers all the important things like movie tickets.

No matter what, you'll always be remembered as the gullible chap who gives in to a small whine, even though you're currently battling mud & sand in those nasty fields. I hope that during these two years, you'll be sooo much smarter & brilliant after this (not saying you're dumb, but than again people sell your meat with rice in singapore hahahah) and that'll you learn more than just pushing the pedels as a driver, but really being able to excel at whatever your put through. You have to stay strong through it all okay? I have faith in you! Grow TOUGH & round, and don't go crazy in there processing so much,

It's baaaad to process so much, you might turn into like, ground pork or something. Ugh. In anycase ha ha i'll still love ya loads, and and dont think i'mma gonna let you off just cos you got army ok! it's so not a excuse to stop being FRIENDS, lol, you cute jerk. (sticks tongue out)

There's too much of these letters already so this shall be the end of all segments of this huge roasted pork pig saga hahahahha. Love love loads.

Ohana means family & it means "No one gets left Behind"
XOXO
Much love
October 29th 2008 11:37PM

Saturday Pool

2008-10-27T23:08:00.000+08:00

The other day, we (meaning kai and me) decided that the best way to spend a warm, sun-filled Saturday was to go over to Kieran's place for a afternoon swim, it was one of the best ideas ever - the day was pleasantly hot yet not too scalding on our skin, but yet cool enough to dip into the two toned temperature pool.

This is somewhere in September i think, but its one of those days where all we wanted to do was take a chill pill and sit there and forget about all the troubles that was on our minds. Reminiscing over the photos, i really really miss kieran's house :( We had so much fun memories for the last 3 years there. Somehow, we all grew apart this year but this small gathering (there are more) was like one of the best things that happened in the month of September.

It was much needed (for me anyway lol), enjoy the photos! (grins)

XOXO
The Pool Gang

Observation of Boys: Cut 1

2008-10-26T22:53:00.000+08:00

I think I'm just horr-ible at handling relationships with the opposite sex, especially if it turns into something like a i-like-you scenario. It's so awkward, especially if in the end it doesn't work out? Well it's not like it's any different, they all act the same, with the same kind of ending.

I like you = 2 weeks later = I dont like you.
I like you = 2 weeks later = I still like you = Me no like you.

Boys are weird.

I mean, seriously. If you don't like me, just TELL ME.

YOU ARE SERIOUSLY WEIRD.

p/s: Yeah i'm sorry, i'm just socially deprived sometimes so i don't really have people to rant out such personal stuff, so i say it on my blog lmao. Sarcasm.

KCKS - Letterlove

2008-10-24T00:37:00.000+08:00

glasses ON

glasses OFF

I stepped on clean soft mud
From the sharp clean cut glass
The difference had been wild
Indifferent to atmosphere
Interested in all adventures
I felt different for the first time

Maybe cos I was so tired of the same event being repeated, the same type of feelings that ran in my hard-drive brain, the same of people that kept playing me, repeating words like i like you that held no meaning or reality to it.

I've been processing the film in my mind too much, the events, the occurrences, the daily smiles that i'd get just thinking about you - than finally waking up & realising that its all a lie. Mebbe I'd spend better time focusing on more substantial, reliable, dependable source = God.

Ive been confused these past few weeks but now it's a clearer, crystal pane sweet clear air, i'm no longer confused by those big puzzles and fuzzy images in my head you're no longer one of those recent "friendships" i had, your like a past, a picture page in my archived brain. I confess that i didn't know you long, hardly, long to call you my good friend either but i found you an interesting subject of adoration, because you were so fun to be around, your character was interesting: bright, happy, sparked lively priorities driven person.

Over the past few weeks, you were like butter to my bread you added a sweet scent and was a welcomed addition into my plain jane atmosphere of a 'life'. Somehow it didn't work out? I dont know why, but i've given up figuring out why, i figured - we both had our lives to go on - & that whatever the future held, was all in the palm of Him, not me, not you, not 'us'.

You were a very fond subject to me, something i adored very much. That I'd admit to you right now here, i remember you nearly skinned me one sunday when i posted something & it annoyed you, but yeah thats the way i roll i'm sorry.

Four + Two initials that will always be held in remembrance
KCKS !!!
PP

:0)

love loads (im sorry it didnt work out chan)
XOXO

P/S: Sorry for all the weird funny photos of me, it was a photoassignment idea that burst into my dead brain, thank you for tolerating all the photos so far, your a very very good reader, you know God loves you, bye bye.

Sharp Edge

2008-10-21T23:22:00.001+08:00

"I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing. With a broken heart that's still beating."

For that moment, Thank you K. Thank you, for that little encouragement, that little phrase of word you said on msn, it gave me a little more motivation. I'm so stressed and constricted in the society i'm trapped in, I can't really breathe much.

I'm going to make sure I focuse entirely on my O levels, and getting into an art college for the next 2-3 years, and not spending those time doing useless and hopeless things like getting into messes with the opposite sex.

I've had enough of you.

Stop being pushy, I'm warning you.

I'm tolerating you, and being nice. And being polite. If you keep pushing and forcing yourself into my private affairs, it might just back fire. I'm tired of people taking me for granted. Don't say I didn't give you a warning.

P/S: You in this post, doesn't define to one specific person, it means to a array and variety of people that i know.

TTSH

2008-10-18T03:58:00.000+08:00

These were the photos taken from the day where Michelle & Me went to visit/wait for Kai at TTSH from like 11:00AM till 10:ooPM, Ha ha so we wasted our times playing with johnny and exploring square 2, united square, novena square, and randomly talking, and eating subway.

The day was super fun!

P/S: Chris, Sherminh, Esmonde, Ong, Chee Aik all came later on in the evening so there are some shots here & there of a few people.

Most of the photos were purposely done in black & white' it's a recent favorite way to take photos. very vintage, & glam.

Much love
NTMC

Love Tracks

2008-10-16T23:02:00.000+08:00

I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love

Accidentally.

I'm in love!

Why is it that hearing those words on the radio makes my heart feel so giggly, so cute, so fun, so lively, so understanding, compassionate, and trusting at the same time knowing that even if in the end everything screws up & it never works out, i know that i didn't let my emotions get a hold of me?

tyvm God (for always reassuring me), :0)

Is it you? Is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

The radio is so good after 10:30PM, its like all the good deejays come alive. A friend once mentioned that a good deejay is one who has interesting thing to talk about & isn't "nonstop" playing sounds because than it'd be useless, I beg to differ. Deejays who play music who set a vibrant happy positive joy in you, songs that encourage, songs that help you understand better, songs that lets you know that you're not alone in the world.

I would rather do without any voice, except the song itself (except like random interventions to speak about the time & all etc) please, like don't interrupt my moment of "happiness" with a caller whose suppose to guess the singer of some song.

XOXO
Hello Gossip Girl

Gelato Fudge Sunday

2008-10-16T01:04:00.001+08:00

Mmm, gelato fudge sundae: two scoops of homemade flavored gelato squished together in a glass bowl, with accessories of chopped happy nuts, and swirls and gollops of thick warm chocolate fudge, scooped out with a shiny silver spoon - light shining - chocolate gleaming - oooh, bliss.

(woke up)

Oh :/ Well it was fun for a moment imagining that beautiful setting and taste of gelato' anyway, the sundae mentioned was really like last Sunday. It was very captivating, with very beautiful and fun people in church ha ha! Not to mention the sermon was really good (sad though that i couldn't focuse thru the whole thing cos i had somehting on my mind) and Anthony did awesome processing ha ha, short & sweet with clear concise details and great verses to refer to.

We were having a casual steamboat dinner in effort to give kai warm fuzzy feelings so that he won't be so scared or down before his operation, ha ha. Kai, Wei Lin, Cai Ping, Michelle, me, Sherminh, Chris all went for the steamboat at East coast park, o0h the food there was okay' and the pricing was a lil shocking :0( We were playing two truths & one lies and man, some of the stuff gave by them were really hard hahahah, like "... how do we even know what sort of fruits Chris like man?!" lol but it was so cute, hahahaha.

Kai had to leave halfway with Wei lin because they had some stuff cropped up, & Guo wei arrived shortly after so we had lots of fun, we went walking around the beach, and I remember we walked past this decorated small funfair with a kiddish ferris wheel, and those sweet sharp melodys, the last time i went there was on the way back with Keith from Chee Aik's barbecue, awww the place is so romantic & sweet hahahah, but the music got annoying after awhile. (dee dee deeeeeee eeee eaaaa)

Anyway, here are photos! Ha ha I made it all in black & white style because b&w is always so chic, so surreal, intensely sharp, and hits the right emotions in every picture. They're usually all in color, but I think i might get them printed out in black and white and create picture books for Christmas (Note: christmas idea! Create chic photoalbums with handwritten letters)

Okay okay, XOXO
Ttyl

P/S: Loves to pp, leona lewis, katy perry, daniel powter, santogold for being the awesome and brilliant people that they are.

1:28AM

2008-10-14T01:28:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time, and take back some words but they ended up being said. But what's done has been done, ha ha. Sunday was slightly rough, and a little tough and aftermath of the day still leaves a dry taste thats been lingering on.

There's been some stuff that happened lately, so everything in my head recently are congested with small problems but as Jamie said when speaking about the Fruit of Joy "No problem is greater than God" everything can be solved and completed only with the strength and Grace of God.

Its compelling what's been going on, but I saw this new video by Beyonce. It just felt a little like how I felt in a way, if i were a guy, i could just get up and wear clothes and walk out of the door ha ha ha! It's like words girls want to say put into a song/video. Absolutely funny & cute'

Everything's slightly messy now, but once it settles down. Hopefully, I can organise what I actually feel and write it down because currently, there's alot of academic stuff that's running in my puzzled shaped brain.

Much love
PP XOXO

Transformers

2008-10-12T10:40:00.000+08:00

You don't get it do you?

I know it's going to be tough, it's going to be awful. That it's probably never going to work out in the end, I understand that I'm a girl. That's its weird for me to do this. But honestly, I couldn't care less. I understand that it's not only about that, but much much more but you're just tired of explaining it and all you want to do is focuse on your life at the moment.

Do you know how awkward and dumb is it for me to actually keep reminding you that, how low and awful I feel whenever I have to be so bold, considering you're the guy and I have to keep telling you that? Do you know how awful it is to be left standing in the rain, just because you decided that it wouldn't work out, and that it's too hard.

I don't even need constant 24/7 attention, or need you to worry about me. I'm sorry but I'm 17, I can totally take care of myself, and I don't need some guy to be depentdant on because if you think that, you're a jerk. Could you just stop thinking of all the negative things? Like "why it wouldn't work out" etc etc

On top of that, I have no idea what you're thinking in your head, because someone just wants to run away and hide in his transformers world and never come out. I give up. Honestly, your sister knows you better than you know yourself, you'll just never get it, ever. I truly honestly don't mind standing in the rain waiting, as long as you want it too.

But you don't (for some weird reason, your reason changed after 3 weeks)

Insensitive jerk of a pig.

(Ugh such a MISTAKE)

Plastic Doll

2008-10-10T18:49:00.000+08:00

How do I get closer to you
When you keep it all on mute
How will I know the right way
To love you

Usually the queen is figuring out
Breaking down the man is no work out
But I have no clue
How to get through to you

Oh, I wanna hit you
Just to see if you cry
I keep knocking on wood
Hopin there's
A real boy inside

Cause you're not a man
You're just a mannequin
I wish you could feel
That my love is real

But you're not a man

I wish I could just turn you on
Put a battery in and make you talk
Even pull a string for you to say anything

But with you
There is no guarantee
Only expired warranty
A bunch of broken parts
And I can't seem to find your heart

Oh,
I'm such a fool
I'm such a fool
I'm such a fool
This one's outta my hands
I can't put you back together again

Cause you're not a man
You're just a Mannequin
I wish you could feel that my love is real

But you're not a man

Octy Fourth Bowl of Eight

2008-10-04T00:16:00.000+08:00

"I'm standing out at a cafe, shivering and cold, my hands are barely pink anymore. I need someone to find me and hug me, but the only one I need is God. I've been through too many times trying to depend on a human to 'save' me from that 'cafe plight' scenario. "

Today was awkward, but yes, here a few things that I realised today, all the bad points, all the good points, everything that was noted down.

1. Security in God
2. No Self-Consciousness (Just smack the thought out of your head today, supper today at Macdonalds, delete away, just smack, and kill it)
3. I need to stop losing things (you know, like cardigans, pens, a $38SGD hat, yes, especially the last one Nicolette Tham)
4. Thank you God

This two weeks have been really tough, alot of messy emotions, runny relationships and tough friendships. I went through the whole day feeling insecure because I wasn't used to something, and it felt so awkward? I had to just be secure and know that even if it was awkward, it was fine. It didn't bother me, nothing changed. And it was just me, I was the one having such awkward feelings, it's the "17-19 Unstable Insecurity Stage Syndrome" (UISS)

Sorry for the rant :0( Recently, everything starts with "I" Ugh. But anyway, Cell was good today. Sherminh did an awesome job on sharing about Fruit of the Spirit (Love) it was so good and refreshing to learn more and know that we can Rely on God forever! He produces, and gives Agape love.

Thank you Father for bringing me through this week, for making me realise alot of things. Help me to grow stronger will ya? You know, like being more secure in You and, stop having such awful thoughts of the 'reactions' of others, and being subconsciously self-conscious. Like Mirabel asked today, whether or not we allow the Holy Spirit, our Counselor to speak to us, and whether or not we obey You in all things, Help me to do that. Let me ears be open to what the Holy spirit speaks to me, let me be aware of things that are going around me.

Help me to speak the right words, and even through tough situations. Guide me, and give me the right mindset. Thank you Lord, Father, and King for being my ever great God. You are super super amazing not just because you are helping me, but because you Deserve all the Glory that You can ever have! Thank you Thank you!

Lots of love
Nicolette

"Trust and Obey" Okay, so Trust in You, and Obey in You. Yes, Upsize Please!

Letter 01/09/08

2008-10-01T16:15:00.001+08:00

There is truly none like You
No one that holds the future of my life, No one except You
Because no matter where you lead me, I want to trust in You
I feel like a mouse, like a mite, like a dustbug
Living somewhere in your huge football
You are capable and much more greater than any Man
Inside of me, I doubt how much talent I can possibly hold
To pass this hurdle thats infront of me

You are Comfort and you are Refuge for my soul
But I know that Jesus Christ lives in me,
And when your Son died for me, for someone
so less of anyone, and less worthy in your Presence
I wanted to live for you' each and every day
Cos I want to fight to live
To glorify You
To honor You
To obey You through it all.

Dear Father, So you want me to pour out everything that's on my mind right now. Honestly, I'm so wrecked and filled with emotions, I can't even understand what I'm feeling now, but You understand don't you? It's just anxiety, and stress, and hope, and faith, and fear in my heart. Okay so like in the song "Take all my fears, and my inhibitions" I'm suppose to Trust in You in All Things and commit to you all my fears, burdens and inhibitions.

I'm unsure of the path ahead that You're going to lead me, I'm worried that I have so little to offer to help, but I want to Trust in You, so take it all, and use it for your Will. It all belongs to you Father, and even as unsure and scared as I am as of what use I can be to You, take all of what belongs to me and use it for your purpose, because in the first place You were the creator and owner of it all.

Thank you for hearing my prayers Father :0) Please grant me peace, and set in me a loving heart and kindness to love my brothers and sisters around me. Help us to grow stronger in You Father.

And okay so, it's going to be tough and it's not going to be easy to be patient, and kind and always speak the best words, but Please Guide me and Send the Holy Spirit down to Help me Father, I'm sorry if I have sinned against any of my brothers/sisters by speaking most unkind words but help me to turn it around, nurture in me not anger, anxiety, fear or worries, but nurture me in the Fruits of the Spirit. Help me each and every day to be more like Christ, and to live for You more and more each day!

I commit and Pray this all in Jesus Name
xoxo Much love,
Amen

This is Real

2008-09-26T22:47:00.000+08:00

I'm staying real.

Celebrate: September TGIF

2008-09-26T02:06:00.000+08:00

I am awfully, happy!

Can you see my ear shine red from ear to ear? For not much reasons, but my heart are skipping beats because today it's Friday, and yes I, Thank God It's Friday (TGIF) after saying it umpteen times, saying it now creates a even more dramatic effect than ever before!

I managed to talk to Kieran tonight and had a decent conversation after long, it felt so refreshing! He was recalling about how his past week has been, Ha ha He makes it sound a tad boring working in Army but it's probably not that fun, but at least he gets a decent amount of pay! Ha ha, also did some catching up with Darren so that was cool. We've been friends for almost 2-3 years, rewind years ago, we seemed like completely different individuals and now, we're still completely different individuals just with more sense, taller, and ER smarter? Ha ha!

Yes, I have reason(s) to be happy!

:0)

Thank You Father!

P/S: Post E on Saturday together with Jamie & Kai, before that we have a early cell arrangement to hang out & chill, yay!

Much love (L)
XOXO
TGIF Nicolette

Train of Thoughts

2008-09-24T19:19:00.000+08:00

Isn't it completely and horrible that on top of having one authority to account to in real life, you've just found one more and it's your good friend?
Yeah, I guess it does.
I mean, doesn't he trust you? Doesn't She trust you enough? Your like 17! And you still have to account who you go out with....It's pitiful!
Uhhh, I guess.
They probably think your so immature and stupid at your age, why don't you just close an eye and just do it? I mean, there could possibly be no harm! Afterall, since you know that its just going out and there won't be anything wrong..
I guess so, yes. But I'll feel guilty and horrible inside the next day!
Well but if you don't lie and reject the person, and considering he's in such a state. Imagine the horror he'll be in when he finds out your too stuck up and high and mighty in values and like obedience to even accompany him!
I'd rather Obey God, Honor myself, and Reject the Devil, than carry on a sin of which my conscience has already put awareness too. Goodbye.

This week has been hard, I can't deny it. I've been fighting the urge to put off quiet time, to talk to God and to just leave all my problems, and worries and thoughts in my miniscule head. However, God just won't stop trying to get in, Ha ha most of the time I envy others who have such clear free minds, lead such simple clean Christian lives and here mine is, everywhere! Its exactly like my messy room which needs such a bad clean up and some dedicated time.

I found some time in the library today, and relieving all those worries helped so much, thank you Father! Mirabel's away in China for a week, and I realised that with her gone, it gets harder to account for certain situations where the devil would just go "Why don't you just tell her, after you did it! She won't mind..." but that obviously wasn't accounting, so yeah. I did the right choices, and pretty much learnt that accounting isn't just for some situations, but for every situation.

It has been hectic and so rough, but each and every time He pulls me through with the right words, and it just keeps affirming me that yeah, Jesus Christ never left my side, and never will. As long as I believe, I trust, I hope, and His mercy will come upon me, He isn't asking for sacrifices, but showing mercy instead.

Each and every day, I fight the urge to resist temptation, to be lazy and not do what I'm suppose to do, I fight the bad actions of wanting to disobey my parents, ignore my friends, silence God's words in my head, disobeying authority, being rebellious and trying to make up for my mistakes.

It definitely builds me stronger to become a Warrior of Christ.

At times, I do feel guilty for people that I have to turn around, and say "No" to, People whom I have to stand firm in God's name and not listen to them. Things and actions that I have to carry out so that I don't fall for the devil's trap, or listen to the wrong person, or even dishonor and unglorify God's creation of me.

And I feel so selfish at times, so self-centered, so focused on just fixing me and helping myself. But it's just each and every time, it's learning that it's better to gain respect from someone who knows that I can control my 'wants' and respect authority, rather than give in to them and be fun and playful.

Ugh! It's hard, so Father I ask of you, Do help me? It's so hard to do the right thing, but it has to be done. Cos the rest I leave into your hands :0) Help me each and every day to serve others before myself, to Love others fervently (1 Peter 4:8) and help me, to be conscious of sin every single day so that You Father, can Build and Mold, and Shape me into a better daughter and a better servant of Yours!

It's all in your hands, man :0)

Hugs, XOXO
Much love

Prayer to Daddy

2008-09-07T10:17:00.001+08:00

Dear Daddy,

Thank you for waking me up today at 9:15 and letting me have enough sleep, thank you for this beautiful cold morning, thank you for my mom whose at home, thank you for the peaceful quietness that you gave this household. I also want to thank you for yesterday, when our cell all had fellowship together it was really fun! Thank you for blessing us with such a beautiful time :D

Thank you for creating humans on earth that can create fun graphics and games like Sims 2 and for percy pigs that do freelance webdesigning, Ha ha thank you for your love and your kindness this morning. Sometimes, I'm not really sure what to do or say but thank you for being there to help me, and tell me what to do. I'm sorry if sometimes I ask you to "shut up" and I don't want to listen to you, thank you for putting me on earth even if you'd probably wish for more if you didn't create me (Than you would have less trouble on earth, Ha ha ha!)

Yeah, this morning is rather rough now. I have to make decisions, but thank you for not letting my heart go. Thank you for keeping my heart inside there, I don't need to come out but probably only when you want to God! When you want to let it go, than you'll know when. But until than, please keep it in its bed and not let it come out, Its so frustrating but thank you for the times of when I feel angry, feel like screaming, and feel like being sad that your happiness always fall onto me and I smile because you make me happy!

Because of your love, I can live better.
Because He died for me, I now live without sin.
Because His truth reigns in me I no longer fear lies.

I want to stand for what you taught me daddy, all your principles, all the 'manners' that I need to learn, and I want to learn all the songs that you've taught me in Sunday School because they're really fun songs! :0)

Dear Daddy, I'm about to leave to go to your house to listen to what you have to tell me today but I ask daddy that you protect everyone, along with me as we go to church today. Bless up with a gorgeous sense of happiness, and a ever loving heart to care and tell the truth! Let us be filled with the Holy Spirit, and let us not think of unkind words, or hurtful actions but only things that praise and glorify you.

Help us welcome anyone that feels unwelcome.

In Jesus Name I Pray,
Nicolette :0)

P/S: Much love to Percy Pig, whose sleeping in his pen now.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

2008-09-05T19:36:00.001+08:00

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is not easily angered.

I trust in you even though I'm not sure what I'm thinking,
But I trust enough to know that I'm not strong in my soul nor flesh (and neither are they) and I need support from you God.

I hope in you knowing that you can solve all things,
that You can move the mountains, and create Miracles just by your Sons' Hands.

I preserve because of you, because when you sent your Son down to die for me,
You never once gave up hope on me.

I love you because you created me, and Lord you are Love, and Love will never ever fail me.

And I pray Father, that you help me love them. Not because that I have to, but because I want to. Not because I should but because I may.

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Romans 12:9" Even though I might not understand them, even though inside my heart, my life full of evil does not think its correct. I want to stand up for whats righteous, for whats correct. I don't want to listen to myself all the time, but I want to listen to you. Just You God, because you have all the answers.

Father I know that last night, was a blessing from you. That you gave that night, the night for all five of us to fellowship and thank you Daddy, thank you so much for giving me such nice people in my life. I'm really sorry if it didn't turn out the way that you made it to me, I'm sorry for not thinking about how you feel God, I'm sorry for being such a selfless jerk that hurt You. I'm sorry for thinking that it was not only my fault, but the fault of others.

I'm sorry that I was so proud, I'm so sorry that I keep on thinking that by doing this, I'm forgiving them. God, please help me to not get angry at them. God, please just keep me quiet, Please just take away my anger. God, please help me to realise that it's all my fault. God, please just make this my fault instead.

Daddy, Help me solve this will you?

Thank you,
Your Daughter Nicolette

Alarm Clock 7:30AM

2008-09-04T07:31:00.000+08:00

Why can't people just go naked to work?

Ha ha, being one of those early birds that wakes up awfully early just to prepare everything in advance, it seems like the to-do list is never ending and you have a never ending amount of things you need to get/buy, or things that you need to do.

And, realising that the day is cold and shivery and my bathroom water has no heater holds such fright and avoidance towards it, than the daily routine of which I just wear whatever is comfortable is going to be perked up with some fancy clothes because I'm watching Wall.E today.

Ha ha, humans are so troublesome!

It was so much better being a three year old, wearing donald duck pampers and running all around the house and crying when you fall. So much better :0)

Much love N - KC
xoxo

Death Race X 3 with KK

2008-09-03T14:16:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was really fun, Ha ha! Trybe was filled with lots and lots of noisy, boisterous people in the early morning till the late night so it was constant entertainment every second, and during that period of time we also set up a "TRYBE Post Office" (because we were organising/alphabetizing gifts for Teachers Day) Ha ha and we had alot of productive helpful workers and those really lazy ones that sat there, and drank bubble yogurt tea or ate Malay food and sat there and watched us, Hahaha!

Okay, but Ben & Keith eventually helped us after much persuasion, sad faces and manipulation of their gentlemanhood, they were finally persuaded to lend a hand and they were helpful, yay! So artistic guys are not only good in, art (contrary to popular belief) but good in handy work too.

Later on in the evening, Ben, Keith, Me & Kai went to watch a movie. We wanted to watch either Death Race or Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Animated film) When we got there, Ben went off to buy a shirt for his graduation but He left halfway, so we ended up watching Death Race, because Clone Wars was really too characteristically enhanced for boys only nature. Keith didn't watch it yet, so me and Kai accompanied him to watch it.

Ha ha once it was over, we headed back home and it was like around 11:45PM by that time so the MRT was closed already and Keith wanted to stay at Macs till 5:00AM, Ha ha! Its considered normal but we felt so bad so Kai was trying to psycho him into following him back to Bedok to stay over. In the end, Keith still rejected so He, being such a gentleman decided to walk me to the bus interchange bus stop and than decided to wait till the bus came, and somehow He managed to got onto the bus together with me back to my place (because after all, He had 5 hours to kill hahaha)

But the most funny part was that my dad ended up sending Keith back home when He arrived at the interchange, ha ha! So I ended up home by 1:00AM, but it was cool, and Keith was awfully sweet to send me back to the interchange so that was nice of him.

Ha ha, today there isn't much, but for tomorrow we're going to watch Wall.E :0)

Much much love (L)
One happy little girl
Nicolette

Kids Show

2008-09-03T10:59:00.000+08:00

Your EQ is 113

You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.

On an average day, you're quite happy, together, and content. You live your life well.

Your emotions aren't always stable, but you can go along with the ups and downs pretty well.

You tend to be motivated, energetic, focused, and level headed.

You see the world pretty rationally, and you don't tend to over dramatize things. When things are bad, you know they eventually have to get better.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

I like you, but I'm just submerging myself into another one of those girls that have crushes on you and it's not helping. But why now God? Why on earth does it have to be you, I don't even like kids central

Tell me, (yes you) What do I do now?

TAKE NOTE: NEED TO CLEAN UP, BIG MESS IN ROOM

Photoblog Aug/Sep

2008-09-01T15:49:00.000+08:00

Photoblog

Well, finally the month of August is over and September has just arrived with cold shivery mornings, the monsoon season is a tad earlier this year but it just means more chance to stock up on warm, huggable soft clothing, yay! :0) Ha ha anyway there has been so many events lately but not much of blogging or photos to show for it.

Recently, I've been very busy in Trybe so I didn't manage to find time/hours to come back and slowly go through them, there was also the VEC camp which was so cool and amazing! And Bobby (the resident dog) was really adorable, friendly, smelly but warm and loving. Hope he lives to a very long age because with love like that, He doesn't deserve to die.

Okay okay, so updates on photos! First set's from Baptism, the Admin finally sent Mirabel the "customary" free baptism photo, and she forwarded it to us. It looks like me and Jamie were both baptised in some beautiful ocean in Malibu, and the smile on our faces we pay tribute to Revlon Makeup Blusher. The second one is Eunice's birthday, after her birthday Jamie, Michelle & Me went to walk around Bugis/Raffles Hotel/Haji lane area and chilled there, it was relaxing and we got a chance to show off our different poses in the various photoshoots we had.

Mmm.

22nd August 2008 - Baptism

(Thank you Ben for taking the photos!)

17th August 2008 - Eunice's Birthday

(We have like officially, a Collection of Shocking/Disturbing/Equally hilarious photos of Mirabel, this is one of them Ha ha)

17th August 2008 - Evening Time - Day with M.N.J

Ha ha, the last shot looks very wide angle to me, so that was a little cool. Michelle was such an awesome model and a great sister, her birthday was yesterday so the next set of photos would be from her birthday and the extra adventerous adventure we had at Little India.

Our church life is so happening, Hahahah! Anyway, I'm just slacking at home with not much to do. I didn't manage to go Trybe today cos I had really bad cramps in the morning, but luckily I could claim some time off, yay!

Okay, time to take a small rest before dinner starts.

Much much love!
P/S: Good luck to Keith, since He said he was bowling today. Aja aja!

Ruby 8mm Lined

2008-08-22T17:01:00.000+08:00

(subconsciously written in cursive)

Drop of a coffee cup, hissing of the tap, sounds of the office and voices in the war room. Sitting here in office proves productive, but disabled with the ability to see photos, or access my files (which is in my laptop at home) doesn't help + the deprivation of soft snuggly pillows which have nostalgia; its horror yknow having to pull yourself out of bed at 7:00 and go (in your head) "Oh man, work again! I love my work, it helps so much youths and empowers them, however my bed smells and feels so soft and comfy - ah - 5 more minutes"

Pictures soon! Baptism is today, so that's so exciting. On the contrary, I have things bugging me, tiredness that drags me (and my growing out fingernails scratching to stay awake) and this solemn emptiness that fills the air. In my heart/head there's adrenaline, rushing fever of love, happiness jumping out like jelly beans inside going "I'm getting baptized! (shrieks shrieks, dances dances, hop turn, does ballet, jazz, freelance dancing)" and the outside's like "Oh... right. I forgot I'm getting baptized on friday! Well, if you can't make it. It's fine with me"

The skill to even have happiness is so contained, and locked inside me that there's a default function of unhappiness in the outer layer. Smile, please smile! I really am truly happy, so happy that it's finally time to get baptized. But that joy, that happiness is floating inside, no longer do I want to have that shield of reality that UV filter that blocks out all the unhealthy lights (in some scenarios, it blocks out all the lights) but It has to shine, that happiness, simplicity, laughter, understanding, and blurness.

Please don't turn me into a Raffles Place Robot.

Intern makes differences! They run errands, they have superb time management, they are always so caring to give, give, give and help. Interns also need to share, talk, and be fun also apparently. Maybe I should just consider a field in, photographer, something freelance, baking or something.

But no! Hath no fear for torture, (not really), hard work, dedication and the love to work for God. Yes, I must strive through even though it's not my profession of suitable career list but it must be done, in the Glory of God, in the ever pounding dedication and I find love in it!

It's a rant, turn into happiness! Click click.

(shakes head in dissapointment)

Motivation. Courage. Determination. Love. Joy!
APPRECIATION

Love

World Wide Web

2008-08-21T09:51:00.000+08:00

It feels sort of weird, in a queer amusing way when older people talk about shows like "Mind Your Language", "Bewitched" "The Nanny", "National Geographic" (although thats not really old but few watch it and know what it has on) "Golden Girls", "Allo Allo" etc and really old shows of which I can't remember but remember once the name is mentioned.

They're such good shows to watch, great oldies with good originality unlike most shows today which lack ideas or inspiration, (exception of some) and the part when people mention them and in my head I'm like "Hey hey! I watched that! It was so nice... did you remember" and the funny part would come when the age gap difference is far [e.g. between me & the other person] but it's just great how two people, of a common interest, in a wide age gap can make a connection in the society and the revolutionary change that we're having in today's world.

Its good to be old sometimes.

:0)

I definetely pick watching old movies, eating food from recipes of which come from the mothers of 30 years ago (chicken pot pie, dumplings, nostalgic food that send people remiscing) rather than modern day fast actions movie, eating unhealthy oily fusion food or spending time playing PSP/Not studying/Gaming. To be useful is to be active.

Much love
xoxo

Ofice Notes

2008-08-18T17:58:00.000+08:00

I want to care about my actions.

I don't want to be 'alive, awake, responsive' just because of someone's presence, but I want to be alive, living, remembering
and sensing the presence and love of you that fills me to the brim. Yes even in the times of the darkest tiredness moments, I know
Who can revive me, Who can sustain all my mind to awaken, Who can "wake" me up out of my sweet sleep.

There's only One Way, and it's you Jesus.

You are the Way, the Truth and the Life :0)

- - -

Fear has no boundaries,
It can find you in any corner, alley and place and hide you there.

But love has no end,
It never dies out, dissapears or hides from you.

If you were in that alley and fear came to find you, all you need to do is run out
because right outside is love, and love doesn't hide. It overwrites everything.

P/S: Ha ha some notes I took in the office

Haircut in History

2008-07-31T20:11:00.000+08:00

July 31st

1498	On his third voyage to the New World, Christopher Columbus discovered the island of Trinidad.
1964	Ranger 7, an unmanned U.S. lunar probe, took the first close-up images of the moon.
1991	The U.S. Senate overturned a 43-year-old law and voted to allow women to fly military warplanes in combat.
1992	All aboard were killed when a Thai Airways jetliner carrying more than 100 people crashed in bad weather in Nepal.

(Provided by Bravenet)

Supposedly bad hair days too exist, apparently they do (to me) I wasn't that aware of them until this afternoon where my hair just decided to have no alignment, shape or decided texture. It was soft and flying everywhere with the single inch of air blown towards it, and the "parting" was nowhere to be understood or parted.

Ha ha I literally walked Olympic style to the hair salon eager for my hair to be trimmed and fixed, it looks neater now with better/cuter/properly shaped bangs and its no longer filled with loose strands all over the place! :0)

Anyway there wasn't much today, except some unproductive homeschooling. I was stuck at the first subject already, armed with my book of The Westminister Shorter Catechism I was driven to do my homework, especially this book. If eating really tough steak meat was hard, this book was so much harder.

But I gave up right after reading the question and decided to skip the day's lesson and focuse back to it on Friday, ha ha and with much proven determination and discipline I'll get to it and finish it! Yay ha ha.

To the good news, I have a job! I'm going to be a intern at a youth organization (that helps youths, gives talks and holds camps for teens) and I'm starting next week so that's going to be awesome, its starting right after I come back from bangkok with my family (Wednesday) Mmm and my Mom's going to be home, next week sounds and is going to be so good.

God has blessed me so much and even after encounter, I'm astounded and truly too happy for words in the ways He's restored, revived, and helped me through everything this past week. He's been there to guide me, lead me and open my mind up to reveal to me the things that I wasn't aware of, and the 40 day fast and prayer book has been good so far, its been really revealing and He has been revealing and helping me understand many things.

The verses in the book stated were really good too, worth noting down, I didn't realise them at first (when reading His word) but it has really encouraged and pushed me on to grow stronger with the Lord and Seek, and read of His word more and more. Praise God!

Ha ha, Much love.
Nicolette

Preparing for Encounter

2008-07-25T17:11:00.000+08:00

Ooh, anyway I wanted to update right before I get ready to leave for encounter camp. It's going to be so fun & amazing as usual, the last time I wasn't able to bring my DSLR (in case i got distracted) but it'd be fun this time to bring it along and capture some memories in the dorm room.

Experiencing God is like a whole new dimension, feeling the warmness, the comforting presence and overall affirmation is what anyone, anyone whose been down, out, or have been struggling with the realities of life, is definitely going to love encounter. Its like a refreshment from the desert that I've just crawled through, there's so many things I wish i could not face and not do but I have to do it because its needed to be done and it affects more than just me.

It's a beautiful sanctuary and especially since its hosted by the YCYPAO group this time, there's going to be familiar faces all around and good laughter shared together. :0)

This was a photo taken on a bus that I sat on, and the description aptly fits how I felt when this photo was reviewed after taken:

"It was a cold sticky clammy night, heavy raindrops and sounds ran all around this enclosure I was in. There were bright unfamiliar lights that shone deep and bright against the panels of the windows, creating intricate patterns that was unreadable. something shone from a distance and I felt the warmness climbing up my skin, a understood expression and homeliness that traveled from the realities of life, it climbed onto me. I saw it. And I took it,

We were like lights in a door with a see through panel, there's so much we hold, carry and bring with us. Our gifts, our talents, our character and even more than that hidden inside of us, at the right time at the right moment, we unleash them and we grow into people that God guides us with: a mother, a wife, a worker, a volunteer, a intercessor to Him and each and every gift, the gift of purity, the gift of modesty, the gift of love, care, concerns are all with us. Some of us let it go too early because of our rash actions to see its result, some of us hold on to it until the right moment, and a majority or a bare few learn the importance of balancing to the see the result of which the glory of God shines upon it."

It was terribly beautiful and beyond laughter could express.

And the photo below displays a Monarch Butterfly coloring thats 1/4 done, I downloaded it from the National Geographic Kids, they're such pretty creations and they fly in that unique manner not to mention how stunning their "body" shape is :0)

Ha ha but it was fun! just have to buy like new color pencils or borrow some, colors are so so vital to a coloring, hmm although when I was 7, defining color for me just meant how many color pencils was provided in my color pencil box. If it was 7, it'll be like "there's only SEVEN colors that I know, and that exsists"

Ha ;0)

Much love
xoxo
Nicolette

Seventeen Notes

2008-07-04T05:03:00.000+08:00

Most of the time I unknowingly try to be perfect, and good willed and excellent in things. Perhaps it never works out, and I try to sub and take good things or things that other people do that I can pull off, and it works out than pulling it all together and wondering if I'm really who I want to be.

As in who I really was inside, looking back to days when I was younger and less mature I saw myself and at that time I didn't really care who I was because it didn't occur to me that it mattered to anyone.

Trying to be perfect never works out, and everytime you see someone that you admire that you think is so perfect and put together you actually realise that the person whose really inside is someone just like you, but even I know i'll never be a full fledged perfectionist I like to keep striving because every day a little bit of me becomes more accurate than before.

There's setbacks, shortcomings and screw ups that no one gets at my age. I'd rather have them now than when i'm at that age where the screw up is suppose to happen, and I'm not acting like my age doing immature things like that.

And there's time where people come and tell me that how I'm so put together, and organised and 'perfect' or just so, good at being good than there's a time where they tell me that I'm hardly perfect, imperfect to the edge. How I try my best to be good at everything, to remember who I should be, and how I should act for my age. I realised I was 17, that was the hard part.

Being 17 is never easy, it's like a stanza from your super sweet sixteen than the next bridge is I'm turning 18 and I can't act like i'm 16 anymore. There are choices out there that I have to make with a equipped perfect mindset, there's responsibility of which I'm going to be given because of my age, than there's the matter of principles where maturity comes with age.

There will always be this temptation of wanting to screw up and say its just because your at this 'age' where its good to screw up, and drink and party and act like a fool. To try and persuade yourself that smoking and having those parties where everyone doesn't really care than look back 15 years later and go 'Do you still remember?...' I'd like to make memories.

But not memories of me ruining my life, or having regrets and not taking the chances in enjoying my youth. Than again,

There's just more interesting things to do than getting drunk and worrying my parents.

Even if that means, being perfect - No. Being perfect doesn't mean killing all the fun in your life, Being perfect and organised means being able to balance both sides of who you really are, and not messing up either one. That means being able to be 17 and be a little mischevious here and there but not creating trouble enough to end me up in jail, and being 17 means being able to be stuck in the middle of a age transition and yet still be able to pull it off with a smile and say that it's okay with you.

I like, like being seventeen.

Lack of Vegan Love: Why?!

2008-05-17T00:47:00.000+08:00

Lack of Vegan Love

I seem to be detoriating in my love for vegetables and turning towards meat and everyday 'processed meats' ouch! That's awful, after working for the past three days it seems when hunger strike my mind doesn't register 'healthy, wholesome vegetarian food with fresh vegetables and healthy to my body' it concludes into: 'greasy deep fried chicken, fries, and anything spicy with lots of texture (meaning meat, or seafood/fish)' :0(

Maybe its because of the influence of how food is easy obtainable if you're not fussy and it's easier to go along with the flow, but the past few days sometimes I can't avoid not eating meat because of being in a environment sometimes when the only dishes there are just meat, meat, seafood, and a rarity of vegetables and a occasional vegetarian dish that either contains of frozen vegetables, or processed greasy mock meat. That tempts my hunger, my physical hunger, my mentality, my principles and all in one moment I just decide to "whatever, hungry!" Ha ha.

It reminded me than today, and a few days ago of my first decision to become vegetarian. It wasn't nessecarily the "spur" of the moment, or as some "cruelty animal videos that changed my life", the understanding that came through all this was that humans weren't treating animals the way they did last time. People had to kill animals and eat them as livestock in order to live, and at the same time they also found other resources from the wild such as, wild vegetables and grew their own vegetables in the garden, It was a balanced nature. Nowadays, because of the understanding of easy convenience (supermarkets, 7-11's, convenience stores) we're taking advantage of nature by taking only what we want and abusing what we don't need either.

In the quotes of the bible, God is said to "take care of every creature in this world" and to "eat without giving a second thought of what is put before you" but in a point to argue is that, we are eating meat from supposedly people who are treating the animal cruelly, and killing them in inhuman ways for financial support and greed, and the "power" to become so manufactured and able to be able to store large amounts of animals in machine operated cages, fields, or crowded areas of living. We're taking advantage of mother nature in many other ways, even in the climate, even in nature where we're just plain robbing mother nature of it's glory for new buildings, architecture and designs. Should we not first use the designs we build first to support others, as were not our plans to give others a home, or a place to work at but not to showcase our "creativity" as a masterpiece, not to be used as a living area but as a wastage of space for today's definition of "art"? How controversial and debating this subject can be really. Of course there is eco-living, and eco-clothing that's making a great effort, but we should strive harder on our personal lives to enforce and improve our own life before creating and helping another lifeform!

If we can be eco-friendly towards the world with going green by doing things, can we not be kind to our body and lifestyle and know that even what we eat, wear, and do plays a part in keeping the "earthly kingdom" just the way it is by basking and enjoying its blessings, and not ripping off it like the world is being gambled away. I'm seeing meat, and meat in every stall in every shop. And each day, the prices of meat cheapens but the prices of vegetables in the stores raise up, why is the life of a chicken less meaningless than the price of vegetables? Why is it any different vice versa, are they both not still creations and livestock used to provide us with the blessings that He has given us?

That was a life changing reminder to my choice to being vegetarian, not because I loved the animals so much that I want to live, die, and change into hating meat for them but to remember that the world was made not to kill it, but to enjoy it and be balanced and to be aware of what is going on, not only in the social news, but in the lifestyle that we live.

Although, arguably I would add that sometimes I cannot help but have to "join in" such meaty festivals, because at the end of the day it builds up family relationships, and knowing that the blood of Christ has cleansed the food we've eaten, it's still, up to our choices and principles in life to decide for ourselves, how we wish to live to glorify Him. My choice would be the food, and to avoid any conflictions with "worldly desires".

Mmm, Cell was brilliant & lovely!

Much love
Nicolette

Drive-In Thoughts Cafe

2008-05-08T01:36:00.000+08:00

For a spilt moment I wondered if the current life I was living was what I wanted, than my mind referred back vividly to the sentence of "Father, let me do of your will and not of mine. Of your desire, and not of mine" and now I understand the full concept of this

Maybe it still points out to the point that, Its His desire that I want to fufill and that no matter what I'll keep striving and keep rolling on to do what He wants me to do, and things that make Him happy and things that can make him "Proud" and Glad that His child is doing the right and holy things.

Although I know at times that I'm bound to slip and fall at times, but I want to know (spiritually, and emotionally) that God is there to pick me up so therefore anything in the future that's going to give me a challenge, I want to go through it, knowing that God is there to guide me and that even if it's my worse fear, He will always bring me through it! c:

He definetely brings us through many challenges and brings us out of it much stronger than ever before, Ha ha.

The Muar retreat that's coming up sounds so exciting, since Bling is also going its like quality time with her too, Aww. Tommy Tenny's this Saturday, excited!

Much love,
Nicolette

Playback

2008-04-03T22:32:00.000+08:00

Every single playback of a worship song always lead me back to where I stand before Him, and I fall down emotionally letting go of all the hidden worries, pain, and misunderstanding I reveal my true self that only He can break, and each time I come towards me He takes off the translucent view that we all have in our lives, and He wipes our tears gently with his hands.

The memories of hurt, broken friendships, childhood taunts and sinful actions are all hidden behind that veil and when I stand before Him, I think of everything I did and how did I still deserve to stand in my position in front of the altar, or to sit and listen to His word sends shivers of shamefulness to my soul.

He brought me back tonight with a seriousness of my own understanding how great my presence was, aside the fact that the past five days (including my birthday on Saturday) have been out planned out, hectic and full of schedule’s or birthday projects/plans that my church friendsey's & homeschool kiddies’ had for me it left me feeling extremely grateful to Him.

How the past 16 years I had not felt such open love that was shown in the current situation, other than the kind and magnanimous love that my parents shower onto me during each of my birthday (despite hard times or good times, they always provided a cake or a slice of cake for my birthday) and I seem to whimper at the goodness of it all, How just during the past three months He had gave me such a blessing in open disguise, How he brought me back to Him, and now after the three months How each of my day(s) now focuse on serving, seeking and wanting to love and obey Him. He taught me slowly how to have self-control, to have a contrite heart (breaking me every single possible time); to exercise patience, love and concern for all and to relax even through the worst of situations.

Feeling so good knowing that I have so many people to send out cupcake love & brownie hearts too during my birthday gives such tremendous joy in a person's heart but even after everything I come to realize the cold hard truth of it, the truth that stabbed me jerkingly and the voice in my head that tempted to me and telling me how "ridiculous, sinful and horrible person You are child! How you have disobeyed your God since your Birth, how you have disgraced and hammered the nail into Him the moment you open your eyes!": The moment I was born into this world, I had sinned and fallen short of the glory of God but yet why did he choose to still love me, to still care for me, to forgive me and look past the imperfections of me and smile at the perfect person that He taught I was?

Reflections of my church studies in The Westminister Catechism of how Adam's small sin & foolishness had caused a entire mankind to suffer for it, how encounter's impact of "imagine nailing Jesus to the cross for every sin you did" came back and how it hurt me ironically, on one side I felt the devil's word tempting me of how unworthy and on the other He affirmed me and I remembered a t-shirt saying today when I was going out shopping with J:

"Nobody's Perfect
I'm nobody"

Maybe to a normal secular view, the truth is yes Nobody's Perfect infact sometimes we end up trying to be perfect and in the end the only result we get tired out and fall into the temptation of the devil which is to "giving up" on God entirely, It only taught me to know that I can never be perfect but with God anything is possible and in God’s eye, I am his perfect creation.

P/S: This post was written on 3rd April but due to hectic schedules there wasn’t enough time to post this up, thanks very much love(s).

Much love

April 2ND

2008-04-03T08:30:00.000+08:00

THIS POST WAS DUE AWHILE AGO

The past few days have been hectic, He seems to be getting me to run everywhere almost like in a run-stop-run-stop motion occasionally stopping for a three hour break to get proper sleep before running back into motion, it has only taught me the past two weeks how to prioritize, self discipline, self control and whip out schedule’s and control my emotions and how to handle my physical tiredness (coffee is not a option, pray and hope for the best!)

A-Psalm-A-Day has been happily doing well without me, in context form. Someday I forget to read it but yet at night my eyes and spiritual mindset is always diverted to see it's reading for the day, at the end of the time its just a realization that however I plan my schedule to fit in God it's hopeless, the point is that God is going to be there at every time slot ACTION PLAN: Embrace the Goodness.

Finally today, after turning off many phone calls and getting ready to say "Give me a break Lord and parents too!" I am still able to stand up and work after completely submitting to physical tiredness and sleeping for one and a half day of course. It feels good, to finally be able to regain the person I fondly was two weeks ago, after every single obstacle, entrance, blockage, temptation I've finally entered the room that sets in me a spirit of relaxness and knowing that He is in control of everything.

I woke up at about 12:00+ deciding to give myself a one hour break to settle down and check out my usual websites (email, food blogs, news) before gung-ho'ing into homework, in the midst of it I ended up chugging, okay sipping down slightly thick concentrated two cups of mango juice and a plate of teriyaki baked tofu which has been my most newest & fondest dishes to whip up in hunger.

It's just the forty minute wait for a divine dish that sets your stomach army to start kicking you ferociously telling you "Feed me, Feed me you evil cruel disgusting person!" Mmm but after all of that, I went through various hours (five to be exact) of finishing up my previous day homework, only to realize I have to do three more days of homework because today is Wednesday and I realized that I did not do Tuesday, Wednesday (Today), Thursday (tomorrow where I’m going out with a gir pal of mine so it's advance homework procedures).

Current State: Battling with The Westminister Shorter Catechism, Remembering bible verses & chapters, dreading literature comprehension questions, fascinated with The Church of the East happenings, and craving a cup of mango juice.

Ah so this is how Jamie feels. Thank you God.

A little literature note than ran in my head at the sudden moment while doing up my literature.

Sarah loves bookmarks as they are little rectangular beauties of creation who so captivatingly warms and understands the complexity of imaginative plots and scenarios and carefully secures them so that one day when memory fails the human mind, we may look back without fear to the beauty and reminiscent of that one fond memory or happening that we so longly forgot or fought after to stay intact. It is a tool made of the simplest crafts but it's uses prove it worthy to be a "decorated paper but with intricate uses of capturing events and moments and preserving them in tip top condition without removing them from their comfort"

Much love
Nicolette

Psalm 88

2008-03-27T21:42:00.000+08:00

I don't know what this feeling is, a rush of gratitude, hope, or sadness? It feels as if God is handling this matter but the tempting and the voices of the devil are overpowering the voice of His, and earnestly as I seek to hear his tone I am overwhelmed with floods of emotions.

Its like my heart is being hugged tightly, almost to a gasping stance and my mouth smiling but my eyes dripping tears, I begged to understand the situation what was it like? What could I not comprehend until I saw a certain Psalm (88)

Maybe I don't understand the whole picture but my Lord my God never fails to answer me, even in the times of my despair when I am desperately seeking the pain in my heart & it's cause He will always lead me.

He will guide us through all of this, I'm very certain and no matter how condescending, judgemental people are, How much each step to giving up comes closer, I won't let go unless you do.

"Jesus, Beautiful Saviour
God of all Majesty, Risen King
Lamb of God, Holy and Righteous
Blessed Reedemer, Bright morning Star

All the heavens shout Your name
All creations bow to worship You
How wonderful, How beautiful
Name above every name, exalted High
How wonderful, How beautiful
Jesus Your name, Name above every name
Jesus

Jesus, Beautiful Saviour
God of all Majesty, Risen King
All the heavens shout Your name
All creations bow to worship You
How wonderful, how beautiful
Name above every name, exalted High
How wonderful, How beautiful
Jesus Your name, Name above every name
Jesus

I will sing forever
Jesus I love You
Jesus I love You"

Friend to Friend

2008-03-26T22:42:00.000+08:00

"Mmm Hey could you help me print some notes, I'll send it to you by email and pass it to me tomorrow?"
"Ah, yeah sure"
"Oh and please don't staple them, I mean like REALLY please DON'T STAPLE THEM ok"
"(Hmm er) Okay, sure, no stapling"
"Make them neat too, like straight and all"
"Okay..."
"It'll be better if you put it in a file folder"
"Okay.."
"Oh, and could you punch holes in them too? Ha ha thanks!"
"Ha-ha, Okaaaay"

That's what friends are for right?!

I guess my printer will be having fun with the paper tonight!

Much love

40 Days

2008-03-26T00:58:00.000+08:00

Well that does it.

It's almost done, this feeling of self determination that topples back after a few slipshops here & there. I've started the year hearing this sentence: "This is the year of Sabbath, We are to rest. This year, I think God just wants me to rest and focuse on studying his rich and glorious history and Praising Him".

Yes I have been spiritually enlightened and "growned" with Him after these past few months, there is no need to be picture perfect all the time and need to be doing something to feel achievement, and my studying is going off the meter a little but what I'm learning through this now gives me a perspective on life that I've hardly ever realised before.

I started the 40 day with much determination and hope, each day rather forcing myself willingly to read His word, somedays His word is more enlightening than the other some days it's read late at lunch but whenever the timing is I feel there is no limit to comprehending Him. We can read it at any time of the day, and with the right mindset and focuse we are able to grasp the true meaning of His word at last.

Halfway along the way, I nearly gave up after being sufficiently suffocated by various events, the condesensation of certain rules implaced, the authority that breathed under my neck and the will of God that I questioned day & night (Was this really His will?) I barely had time to breathe, as each event and each hand being asked to help was being helped let alone complete my homework and be able to focuse on what I was learning, infact I can't even remember which era did Constantine rule in or when Monastiscm started anymore that's how in dire straits I am with my education!

But one thing that the Lord has shown me was, as long as I'm willing He would set time for me He will refill my spirit, keep my physical body awake and functioning and my trust in Him ever glowing. I crossed the road on the way back from a friend's house today, and they are empty unlike all the other days and I had the thought that entered me head "Is it because I'm really determined to Trust you Above All Else Father? Is it because, I've finally placed my trust in you 100% thats why You're showing me that if I trust in You, no Evil may touch me and the roads I will cross will always be this smooth knowing that you will fight, drag and lead me through it with the warrior's heart and adolescence incomparable to yours love!"

After everything I can say that, when they, or what it means to Rest in the Lord and grow with Him spiritually, to grow closer to Him and seek His will for You, what it really means is: You'll fall to the very depths of the pit, You'll suffer, feel, and get tempted by the Devil, your heart will break, your body will fail you, your mind will lose focuse, and the Devil's need to make you fall will rise up and up again but as long as You breathe in the Lord, as long as You call out for Him during your times of troubles, when you cry Ask him to heal You when you smile Thank him for his creation when you get mad, Forgive forget and let the determination of the Lord to delete everything that sets you apart from your righteous walk with God.

Yes that is what it means to me to Rest in the Lord the past forty days.

I watched a friend nearly die before my eyes and not being able to do anything to prevent it, my heart ached my soul died and my eyes filled with tears, my Lord my God my everlasting Hope His well that we will all follow, Why could he not be so merciful and save this poor soul from Death? Take their pain away now, bring them up with You Father but do not withstand the torture, and let it consume into fury and temptation, and deceit.

I saw pairs of eyes that condescendingly gave me looks to ask as if why wasn't I focusing? My heart hurt, it ached, my soul cried out to the Lord for my friend. I live under conditions expected to be mature, proper, and responsible to be able to dress modestly and to watch whatever I do.

I am being made to abandon my previous stand in my love for God, to accept and love everyone who comes my way to never judge, condemn or force them into my religion to never be condescending and give them looks if they are not Godly but yet I feel everyday as if I'm being surrounded by people who are Christian in name and blindly following the devil's twisted way by being condescending and saying who is Godly and who isn't as if they the ability to. I saw through their tones, their voices, their Will to be so Godly that made them into such hypocrites in the first place.

I will listen to the Lord my God and to no one else will I submit authority under unless asked to by Him, and to everyone whom I meet they are just a Servant of God, a Son/Daughter of the Living Christ, they are like the grass "here today, gone tomorrow" Nothing more, nothing less.

100 Percent Pain

2008-03-16T21:47:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to do and somewhere along the line I feel as if I'm losing it, my grip my touch even the rope to this world has long fell into the rocky waters below me but I'm holding on to every single inch my hand outstretched to yours, and you are the foundation that's keeping me alive keeping me thinking, You are the reason I still smile in church, the reason I come to church, the way that I seek to know and You are the one I find I can only lean on at this moment.

I'm losing it to almost insanity, I feel fine in the day being a warrior in the light fighting and striving for the glory to be the solider and purpose You have build me to be but at night I am nothing but dust, my presence falls weak before my soul I can't feel my bones or thoughts and all I seek for comfort is your touch: Your love will get me going, Your the reason I still can live right now.

The reason I go to church, the reason I make sure he goes to church because only You can heal this feelings raptured inside, physically drained emotionally tortured the reason I stand is because without You, i am Dust.

Take it away this quiet pain that cuts deep, when I am out I am a warrior fighting for your glory but now above all else at night, I seek your comfort my head heart eyes hurt too much to bear, I can barely move my bones because all I want to do is come closer to You.

& This matter, for your will I will strive through even however hard the pain gets I will get through. Whatever the circumstances turn out, I will turn to you & praise You for your glory and magnificient ways, Father, Hear my cry & Save me! You are the Most High of All, and You are the sovereign Lord the one who is the salvation to every person's cry.

Don't you hear me my Father up in Heaven? Can you not hear the pain that echoes through my skin, Take me now and heal away this pain, for You I will fight through the storms for You in Your power, Your staff & Your rod will keep me safe. Save me from evil, Save me from sinning, save my anger, take this hurt in my heart and heal it.

Love,
Me.

P/S: If I fall, Pick me up. If i die, bring me up. If I smile, let it be from You. Whatever it is, It's all about You.

Letter to Daddy

2008-03-13T11:10:00.000+08:00

Dear Daddy,

Can you make me happy? I want to smile, because I really want to laugh to laugh with the angels that even on Sunday make me a gir that's so filled with your love & presence that these tears are of joy and not sadness,

You know me inside out, up to the very tips of my lids. Its all in your hands, every single moment and now I feel as if all the air has been sucked out of my soul but You know that don't You? I'm not sad, not hurt, not angry nor worried it's just a desolated feeling.

Incase no one knew this is just a 'preferable' idea You gave me this way of knowing how to react when something happens, You tell me in ways what people's reactions are going to be and You taught and gave me the strength to be the warrior, the leader, and the mature person.

But now what's in my heart is not what I'm behaving like, I'm not interested to knowing who this messages goes out to or how it affects others, I'm pulling myself together to live, to breathe, and to grasp hold of Your hand.

Maybe I don't like this, this is just the after effect isn't it Dad? It'll last for a second than I'll come back to You and to be indifferent, to it all over again maybe I pretend, that I'm okay with it but truly You know I hurt.

I trusted you wholly, You said to take me out of there because of your reasons. I trusted you, my faith my love my life all handed into our hands, So Father I ask of You, Heal me send your angels, send the Holy Spirit, shield me from this pain, Take me back, Show me back your way.

You took me out, O Father make me Happy, Help me to glorify your name all over again.

Much love Daddy,
Nicolette

Reflection

2008-03-11T21:48:00.000+08:00

There's something strong about God's grace how his hand works so fast, so perfect as making every thread fit it's partner at the right moment, at the right time how much it is a joy to experience his power and the response to "Ask & Answer (God Version)"

Ever since encounter camp there's something capturing my heart eagering me to go closer to Him and everyday seems to be a brand new experience with His love, every day I'm dying to spend more time with Him every day His presence grows stronger with me. This is perhaps, what a church brother meant when he said that when you're really strong with God, and you ask Him for a answer He gives it instantly as if affirming and knowing that you will truly follow His way and never be lead astray by the devil.

And man, that is just so cool how good is it knowing that God knows you will follow him?! (aiight that sounds a little over self knowing but it's really good knowing that I'm growing stronger with Him) the only thing i know is 1 hour with Him is never enough, I want to be with Him every single second of my life.

I don't want to go out, I just want to embrace in his presence but I know that He has a plan for me and that He's with me wherever I am and I won't succumb to the devil's lie that I need to stay indoors only to feel his presence, I know my Dad's there no matter where I go and every hour anywhere is a great time to do quiet time.

Man, I love both of my dad(s)!

Whats your Desire?

2008-03-10T23:30:00.000+08:00

Tell me it's not the same Father, tell me it's not the same thing that's giving me the wrong message, tell me it's really You this time that this feeling is really the one that You want me to have.

Tell me that my desires are the same as yours, Tell me that my current desires are the one You want me to have and not the ones that I seek to want myself. Tell me that i'm not lying to myself, Tell me that it's true, tell me that the feeling is the real and the same.

If this not real, break me apart right now. Set me apart, drag me away to somewhere away from this, take me away from this day dream, don't let this happen if it's not by your will. Tell me what you want to tell me, lead me in your footprints. Let me see your footprint marks clearly, Tell me i'm not hallucinating it, take me away from it if i am, I know that no one knows this except You, that no one except You can answer this question.

Don't let me drop, If I am walking on the cliff and seeing a bridge, Tell me, Show me that it's really there and if it's not there, open my eyes and pull me back. Don't let me fall and break everything that you builded of me. Hold me back now, restraint my words, my thoughts, my mind, restraint anything that might and could will be held against me.

Break everything of me, strip me down to the ground. Tell me my heart is beating the same beat as You, Tell me that this knowledge, this feeling, this smile, this desire comes from You.

Tell me this is your desire for me to happy just as how I want to make you happy.

O, Dear Father.

Tell me I'm not just thinking this smile up.

Day Six

2008-02-22T18:54:00.001+08:00

As the sky turned a lovely hue of orange it cascaded over the ivory red colored buildings, streaming through the tainted glass windows & I am remisced by memories of faint laughter that echoed through Mcafe as a certain boy sipped his spider web hot chocolate while planning out a storyline of a frog who met a hot chick (who was, a chicken therefore a baby 'chick')

I had realised too that my fast had since long been abandoned at dawn and a rush of overwhelming guilt circled me as the verse spoke to me "God does not want you to be guilty, He only wants you to repent" and as a record of repentance I shall abstain from all TV, YouTube, Food (only liquids), Non worship music, Cooking, Comics, Magazines and to do quiet time for 2hours instead of one.

& to record down a food log my feelings my memories and everything of anything whereby I feel have led me into temptation to eat and cast them away far aside so that the devil may not enter my hunger when I seek his Word to tempt me with things of wordly possessions.

This was my day 6 of fasting

AJA AJA

Goong Psalm:49

2008-02-18T08:25:00.000+08:00

Psalm 49 & Princess Hours (Goong)

It is very much the direct opposite of each other both as discerning and different from each but it's something that i've acrossed much very fascinating in this combination of both. The Psalmist tells the truth of those who thrive of rich gains & material possesions rather than knowledge and wisdom, instead they focuse on only the honor and praise that other men praise and in the end they are like the dust, no more and nothing left to pity or see.

"This is the fate of those who trust in themselves, and of their followers, who approve their sayings" Psalm 49:13 the verse is shocking as it was written before Confucius, or anyone who was a philosopher and who often had men seek their wise wisdom but what is wisdom without prior truth to the thought? and when verse 16-17 asks that we not be envy of men who grows rich and his house splendor is increasing and says "for he will take nothing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him" it seemed to be referring to Matthew 16:26 it's very pretty how each verse links to another in faint recongnition if one does notice, and how it both complements each other words and spark a interest in the believer of such a pairing.

This relates to Goong, where Yul Goon seeks love but yet he has been diverted by his mom who yearns only the position that she was held and was ripped off because her husband had died, how she schemes and manipulates others into her plan and in the end ruin both herself and the rest but in the end she gains nothing only a tiresome loneliness of realising that fame and power brought misery and trouble, but a quiet life brings more than one needs.

Goong itself also seems to be Christian/Catholic as everywhere in some scene there is always a hint of a Church, a cross sign or on Chae Gyung's ears or in the living room where there was a item of a cross shaped figurine.

I didn't feel as much anguish or words in my mind except that today's Psalm had the fiery edge to it as if saying that the rich will perish while the righteous will stand in truth and light, and to that it would of no use to have so much money to be able afford many other things that everyone does alike (making a wishlist) for men would never be satisfied with the amount of money they have.

In other news, Jamie & I have been brain reclused for the past two days unable to function properly with right concentration and moment so the good Lord will take care of Jamie & keep her mind concentrated and ready to kick tofu in class and for a brief period during yes-terday's processing I was unable to form proper words to express the good sermon yesterday and to-day suffering some insomnia it's more or less silly that I do not mind it.

DAY 1:40 DAY FASTING
Aja aja, fighting!

Chinese New Year: Pastor Yang Cherng's House

2008-02-16T02:39:00.000+08:00

The past week have been: silly, lazy, memorable, loving, procastinating, dvd, musicals and perhaps a few more but none the more nessecary on valentine's day on the pretty day where everyone seemed to give out more affection than usual (or one expects more love) it was spent in church choir, which was so gorgeous

It could be summed up in this effect
"The lights that rised from electricity gave the feeling of sweet warmth that embraced the crowd that walked past, the gusty smell of food invited all to it's feast of love and the angels floated around admist the crowd visiting those that needed a hug on this holiday and to a particular group of youths they were sat in the corner being entertained"

In anycase, Pastor Yue Ping's laksa is the tightwad most brilliant creation of laksa I've ever befalled to come upon (other than penang laksa at culturally rich penang) and their house with it's ever beautiful scrolls & landscape art, not to exclude the lush beach view they had outside of their window.

Much Love

Starrex Sunday

2008-02-10T04:33:00.000+08:00

Sunday I come to You
With my arms raised up high
Let the words sing through the heavens
Our voices echo through the sky
Oh Father, Up up high
How sweet your hands
And how close you are

Your presence is never ending
Your ways are all amazing
Let your will be done on earth Father
Let your will be done

"And I'll wait upon You now
Dedicated to your will
To this love that will remain
A love that never fails"

Over the past few months, You took my hands and said to me "Come, Follow Me" You showed me the world You took me out of my shell, You said that you'll never let me go that You'll always be there for me. You worked miracles in my hands all this people infront here are a living testimony to your way Father, because your Son died for us We have the chance to live again, to live out by your will.

Than there I was rushing through every single detail Oh how I yearned to be close to You so I attended every single thing I could attend I said "Yes" to every opportunity, One day I woke up I didn't feel your hand that close anymore as if It was fading slowly away and each grasp started to look as if I was grasping a nonexsistent invisible hand

In the midst of living Your way I lost track of You and being swallowed into a crowd and not feeling Your hand was the scariest thing of all but now You're here again and I realised that the closest thing to me was your Word, and Your word was Word and I never want to let you go because the only thing more important than everyone else is You and to look at You is all I need to do.

Hello Father, Hello Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday!

Much Love,
Nicolette

P/S: Taeja & Squirrel yes yes will post a photo post soon.

Paper Poetry

2008-01-29T17:46:00.000+08:00

I love the smell of paper
It sends me back to life
I feel a sense of achievement
I knew I had it there
It was never going to go away
The sense of reaching heaven with those tiny little fingers
Is almost too sweet to bear

Notes: Taking bible notes for Saturday's cell, Aja aja fighting!

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song" Psalm 28:7

Day 3: Psalm 23

2008-01-23T16:15:00.000+08:00

Currently there are only a few things that can ever much amuse seventeen year old gir's life

1 God, the alpha & thy omega who never fails to make you smile
2 People, the reactions of others that are still suprising even if you've known them for a while
3 "You know she always take so many photographs - snap snap snap!"

ABOUT A WHILE MUCH LATER

"Nicolette, remember to send me the photos when you get home I want those photographs!"

This post includes the following photos and a visit to the hospital to find jiayu & mind me while i continue productively fixing my mind on church history (as the last two hours have been spent procastinating on studying and instead fixing eyes on photo captions etc etc)

Jiayu looks super spunky & quite happy to see us

Jamie wears jiayu pajamas & we decide that she looks like a docter, We pose with Stitch who just got stiches.

Two little fellas that dropped by Jiayu's bedside to 'productively' play Cartoonnetwork games

A recital of "Mary had a little lamb" played by Yong Jun & Directed by Steven Jr.
(c) 2007-8, All Rights Reserved.

Steven Jr.: This is the Singapore's twin towers! (a indirect copy of Malaysia's twin towers)

It resembles a scenario similar to this, as what observed from the photo above:

"Eee so vain, I'll make a face at you!"
"Hmmp I don't care you, Come Nicolette, Take a photo of me! Cheese!"

"Hey, Why don't both of you try acting cute?"

Portrait Shot of Steven Jr.

Portrait Shot of Jamie. This photograph was photoshopped, since Jamie mentioned she liked thinner arms.

PHOTOGRAPH POSTERS
For Jamie's Sunglasses
By Nicolette

- - -

"Jamie, wear Steven's glasses & You were his glasses: let's see how it looks"

"Nicolette, you better move infront a bit since Jamie's head is too big"

In that last shot Chris looked pretty offensive but just to let you know He insisted it be deleted.

Today's Psalm 23 which really is a Psalm that had affected through me so much, Dad has always mentioned how when he was young he memorised Psalm 23 by heart and there was always this verse that kept me through going, warrior like indepentdant and free of worries "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me." Psalm 23:4 like whenever crossing a dangerous area in life, or even everyday things like walking in the dark unable to know who or what is around me that verse would echo through and the hands of the angel would slip softly in and than all would be still, and only the calmness of such strong love and courage would shine through the path home.

Man it was tightwad wicked brilliant! Mira-bel was the one that reminded us all that today was Psalm 23 otherwise absentmindly I would not have realised it, and this is how such words form:

I sit here at the break of dawn,
Silently awaiting the words of your day.
As the musky light papered is flip through,
My fingers tremble with the anticipation of hope,
The glory of the clouds sing your praises,
As my mind and tongue speak your words,
How patience had set through!
How the day has finally arrived,
Where your word, the one that kept me through,
Is finally alive and living through me again,

I sit here at the break of dawn,
My heart now filled with calmness,
I can hear the whisper waves that fall through,
And I know the angels are up there smiling,
For even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me.
Yur rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Church and Starbucks

2008-01-21T23:43:00.000+08:00

(Ben wearing a Trybe T-shirt)

Church this Sunday was pretty much a stronlg revealing day it seems to errupt so much & so quickly in fast motions that once the clock road 3:40 one had barely enough time to suffice themselves to realise it was time to process ,love, care joke & almost always celebrate birthdays with cake this week it was oreo cheesecake

"This is... Atrociously... Nice!" Wing Yew
20th January 2008

What Pastor Melvyn spoke this week was such intimacy and such flowing great spirits and it summed up quite greatly by the end of it of how much I needed to improve such as the fact that in a self-reflection moment I'm usually the one who very much adores to give to people till even if I am quite broke or barely surviving I still want to give the joy of recieving to someone else

But yet when it comes to the time to appreciating someone or giving praise to someone I often found that i'm at a loss , as really when I pass by some one I know who has donned a pretty outfit or handsome dressing in order to look good the first thought that waves across is not going up to the person & going "Aww hey I think you look brilliant in that outfit, it really suits you!" rather it comes to having one vs one thoughts in my head: "Man he/she looks great" "He/she is hot!" (no k really) I am apt to notice when one changes into outfits or changes their look to either impress the other party or in a effort to improve themselves but I am hardly ever speaking about it because 1 it is not generally necessary 2 it is quite rude, and frankly quite awkward & suspicious to others to run up a person especially one of the opposite sex to praise their dressing

It was revealing though how we take for granted our sub-conscious thoughts and not take it to the extent of expressing it to people but hopefully God will grant me the strength to do so & appreciate people around me for being so tightwad amazing and its something probably that everyone has to focuse on, and also probably realise that downloading music illegally online is a sin (but we are given the grace that all of us fall short of the glory of God, and that all man kind sin but to strive for a blameless life is what God will remember on the judgement day when we strive deeply to seek and love, preach and show the word of the Lord)

This Sunday was Han's birthday so Oreo cheesecake was it & Aiight the photos speak for themselves:

And the last fun one thats dedicated to Chris & Jamie (you two know what happened at Starbucks yesterday)

GBFEVA
Much Love

Remiscent Act

2008-01-15T18:31:00.000+08:00

(A screenshot from Atonement)

about a year ago i sat down in the same chair i luckily am still sitting on today with a heart struggling to move ,living on the brink of God's word with such little understanding of its true meaning and how torturous & unsightly it was and i sat there, cowering in my seat fearing of what to do next - my heart had just been dropped for the last time and i quite fear that i could not pick it up ever again for it had been dropped by a dear person of whom i adored to a very very large extent

but in such aimless despair that little guardian angels would sit by me and hug me and as their little cool arms wrapped round me there was a sense of belonging and love and that under what circumstances his love would be greater compared to everyone's love joined together I was friends with him not that close yet but he kept me close day-after-day protecting me knowing that I was not ready to attend anymore setbacks for I would probably perish in reality if He had chosen to test me and after about two years yearning for a place to call my home he brings me over to max pavillion to fcbc

it's about five sessions in church and i'm despairing at the thought of missing church vs holiday trip (on a reality note though i would rather skip kl history than to miss church o0h how silly ways that father would influence you to become) God has worked plenty in my life during the past year from providing umpteens to the family to guiding me in my walk with him and all this while no matter how many times i've sinned against him he's held on tightly reminding me dearly of his care & concern for me that it's too sweet to bear!

he is too brilliant for words and too loving for comparison, awhile ago i pondered silently on who would be my future husband (17's really not too young to contemplate) and what he would be like what my criteria & disposition would he be in and my eyes were searching around frantically trying to match up here and there; I guess despair did caught me as once my heart started flopping It seemed awfully horrible to gather myself into such a situation again as I had before.

and this time God took care of that & it was up to him to decide who was best for me not vice versa and therefore it is this of whom he wants me to look out for to present and to love from the bottom of my heart to the ends of the world and to celebrate the coming of jesus christ when he does come.

"Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temprate,
self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to
drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money, He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect (If anyone does not know how to manage his family how can he take care of God's church?) He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgement as the devil, He must also have a good reputation with outsiders so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap" Timothy 3:2-7

in other relations i've been watching atonement with much happy anticipation and it's absoulutely fascinatingly brilliant i think it's quite a marvelous movie it dates back to after the war and you see the fallen relationships and hardships of soliders who yearn to be with their loved ones, and also a child's mistaken conception of a lover's pair relationship that ends up with the male lead being sent to prison and how she suffers through her lifetime feeling guilty of
accusing a lover's affection for something else it's quite a pretty storyline

and here to end is a little laugh

(While watching Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader, while a Commercial pops on; Nicolette heads to the toilet and comes back when she finishes her business)

"Mom, did He get the correct answer and win?"
"What? Oh - er no"
"He didn't win?"
"No"
(Interrupted by a short conversation with Dad)
"Waaait so he didn't win?"
"No the sky is okay it's not that blue it won't rain, Hurry up and lets go for dinner"
"...er"
Dad: "He won, she's not listening to you"
"Ah"

There is a conclusion, Mothers are meant to smother you with too much questions, appreciate you until you feel odd - make you chuckle unconditionally without a explanation and remark brutally with a not much idea opinion that eventually conflicts with your thoughts and makes you feel guilty somehow it's like they own this compartment in your brain labelled "Brain Cells
Control Unit"

They're such charming creatures.